Redemption Run

Training for Masochist is draining my desire to run. What seemed relatively feasible six months ago is becoming increasingly frightening, the self-doubt is mounting.

To be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing. I jumped with little consideration into the distance for which I’m unfamiliar on either how to train for or complete. A few months ago I sincerely thought a determined effort and mental fortitude would be enough. I thought I was determined, I thought I had the mental fortitude. Turns out I am unsteady when it comes to effort and completely unsure of myself.

In September, at the 40 mile Trail Running Rampage, I encountered a bit of a hard time. At the time I would have said it was just a bad fall but now I see that it was the beginning of an unraveling that has continued in the past few weeks. During this hard time I wanted to quit. Not quit for the afternoon, quit for forever. I wanted to throw out my shoes, drop out of Masochist, and return to a life of frozen pizza and blogging. A first place finish at the 40 miler was a nice Band-Aid and I thought I was fixed.

And then a little more than a week ago I had a bit of a hard time at Deep Hollow. Again, it wasn’t a complete failure by any means but it wasn’t the success I’d been striving for either. A slip here, an episode of cramping there, I knew there were some things I had to work on but I thought an extended rest and recovery would suffice.

Then there was Saturday’s run, twenty miles on parts of the Masochist course and Appalachian Trail and once again a bit of a hard time. Except this time I didn’t even try to put up a fight when the unconstructiveness arrived. I let all the dark, uncooperative thoughts move in and take up residence for the last half of the run. I got quiet if not a bit ill-tempered. I let the group pull away from me so I could sufficiently wallow in my self-doubt and loathing. You won’t even finish Masochist at this pace I berated every ounce of my being.  Add wet cold feet and 30 more miles and you’re a goner I told myself.

I managed to complete Saturday’s run, but that was about all. I put on a happy face for my comrades but I didn’t tell them how miserable the run had been. Despite the beauty all around me in the mountains, the magnificence of the scenery at the summit, I had wilted in the cool temperature. I ached to just be content with the run but the feeling eluded me. My love for running and the trails had been replaced by an obligatory necessity to reach high mileage weeks, essential long runs.  I felt broken.

In an attempt to hit 30 mile weekends I needed to go back out on Sunday to run another ten. I did not want to go. I did not want to run. I wanted to stay at home with my family who I miss more often on these weekend runs as of late. And to make matters worse, I had to run alone. I tried to wiggle my way out of the run. I made the argument that I didn’t have time but my husband caught me in the lie immediately, go put on your new Hoka’s and go run, he urged.

A week ago, Todd had visited the Aid Station in Forest and purchased a set of shoes I’ve had on hold there for weeks. I had put them on but not run in them. I was hesitant about trying them; honestly a part of me was ready to not like them so I didn’t even want to give them a chance.  At Todd’s influence I reluctantly went upstairs, got dressed and pulled the Hoka’s from their box. With only a quick stop back through the kitchen to grab my Garmin and iPod, I was on my way.

I, as mentioned before, loathe the solo run. I can easily identify the reason. Fear. I am afraid. I am afraid of dogs, of strangers, of getting lost, of falling and needing help. The list goes on. I know I need to overcome this fear, at times I think I want to overcome this fear, and then I do little to actually overcome this fear.  Due to this fear I headed to the Blackwater Trail System on Sunday for my ten miles. The whole way over I wanted to turn around, head home, go anywhere else really other than for a run. I wondered if I would be strong enough to go the ten miles alone. I figured probably not.

The first few steps were uncomfortable so I sat down and readjusted my new shoes. I turned on my iPod and settled into the run. The paved trail at Blackwater is undemanding. The first mile flew by and I actually found myself enjoying the run.  The new shoes and I became acquainted, and more mile markers appeared and then disappeared. I made the decision to not look at my watch but just run, listening to my body, enjoying the run. By three miles I was in a rhythm, I could feel the steadiness of my pace and I began to grin. At five miles I was at 39 minutes, I had found my legs and my desire to run. I turned around and decided to try for a negative split. I took pleasure in feeling the small changes in elevation; I let my body feel the pace instead of having the watch inform me. Focusing on the actual act of running allowed me to revel in how amazing a process it truly is, I’ve lost sight of that lately. I seemed to have forgotten that girl who just wanted to make it to the next mailbox, who got anxious but also equally excited about racing.

I finished the run in 77 minutes. I felt strong, like I could keep going, I needed that. I needed to feel like I could go on, that I wasn’t’ done running’ when I was finished. I felt revived and relieved. Turns out I haven’t lost my legs or my will, just my direction.

-Alexis

Deep Hollow Half Marathon: Race Report (Alexis)

Deep Hollow Half
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Lynchburg,  Virginia

Two years.

That’s how long I've been waiting to run Deep Hollow. In 2010 I was battling a bout of iliotibial band syndrome  when I passed over the half marathon for the 5k distance. I remember being beat by nine year old Abby Gonzales and watching the half marathoners finish. Several of them were covered in dirt and blood, I envied their sweat soaked shirts and proud, exhausted expressions crossing the finish line. I am going to run that race I told myself, next year, I’ll be back. I came back in 2011, but not as a participant, but once again as a spectator at the finish line as I was counting down the hours until the arrival of our youngest child. Waiting on the hillside along the finish line I cheered in fellow runners, anxious for my husband to finish. I knew he wanted to finish in less than two hours and was worrying about his whereabouts when he finally came into the camp at 2:20. He was not happy; he’d gotten off course and had run some extra mileage. His pace was right on target, his time was not. Coming into 2012 we both had Deep Hollow high atop our race lists; I was eager to finally get to run the race that had eluded me and Todd was hell bent on finally chasing down that sub-two hour finish.

For the better part of our training year Todd and I have trained on the trails of Candler’s Mountain. Long runs, short runs, slow runs, tempo runs, we've done them all. We know that mountain well. It is this point that made this particular race stressful for me in the last few weeks. When I don’t do well at a road race or an out of town race I can tell myself that I don’t run roads, that I didn’t know the course. However, if I didn’t do well on our mountain, on our turf, how would I recover from the letdown?

In the past six weeks we’ve run sections of the Deep Hollow course countless times and the whole course in what we thought was its entirety on three separate occasions. I ran it the day after the Lynchburg Half Marathon in 2:32 as proof to myself that I didn’t leave enough on the Lynchburg Half Marathon course the day before. Two weeks later we ran it again in 2:35 as a long run. Not pushing the pace, just seeing what we could do running it through. The Saturday before the race we ran the course but not in order, chasing Jason Captain for nine miles, finishing in 2:12. It was with these numbers as well as an in-depth study of past years race results that I chose the arbitrary finishing goal of 2:10.

As the days before the race grew short I started to have anxiety about the race. I don’t throw that word around without a full understanding of what I intend to get across. When I thought about Deep Hollow my legs would become weak beneath me, my heart rate increased and my palms would become sweaty.  Failure wasn't an option and yet the thought ceaselessly weighed on me because I wasn't sure what the boundaries of failure meant for me and Deep Hollow.

I run because I am competitive. My umpteenth attempt at ‘starting to run’ was successful in 2009 because I signed up for the Virginia 4 Miler and got swept up in the spirit of the struggle. I want to race because challenge builds character. I want to push my limits, evaluate my strengths and shortcomings. But I know I’m not Ellie Greenwood and so I have to establish what success and failure mean for me and my abilities and goals. I take the idea of running and racing very seriously, perhaps too seriously. Maybe some days I lose perspective. Sometimes I wonder if I should race at all. And yet I’m also undeniably lazy. I would rather only run four or five days a week; a six day running week is virtually unheard of in my training log. I skip runs with little hesitation.  I hate getting up early to run, I dread running alone. Or in the dark.  I am only half-committed to speed work. My greatest, and sometimes only, motivator is proving myself. I want to believe in myself and I want to win over other’s respect and approval. It all boils down to low self-esteem, a high level of self-doubt, my astrological sign and probably something my parents did or did not do when I was growing up. I should probably see a therapist. Instead, I run.

So back to the week before the race, I was aiming for 2:10. Todd thought I could possibly run sub-2:00. I was not at all convinced in my ability to run a 2:10 and cringed every time I heard him tell someone he thought I would do really well. The half marathon is a wonderful distance, perhaps my favorite to race. The perfect distance really, short enough to run fast, long enough to recover from mistakes and yet you’re done before you ever reach a wall.  I ran portions of the course Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and came to the conclusion that in sections the course is very fast, it’s the last few hills over the last few miles that appear the most defeating. I knew that I had to be careful about fueling and energy conservation because of these last few miles.

Thus I drew up a fueling plan based on my goal time and scribbled it out on a little yellow legal pad. I grabbed four Strawberry-Banana GU from our bulk supply and laid them out with my fading Zensah sleeves and favorite Nike shorts. The morning of the race I tried to eat as much as I could but I had to force myself to eat three thin slices of toast, my stomach was wrapped tight due to nerves. I felt sick, almost as though I had the flu, my muscles seemed weak and I was nauseous. It was partly due to this distraction that I left my water bottle at home, a mishap I didn’t even recognize until we were on the mountain about to warm-up. I knew there were six aid stations along the course, a generous number for the distance, but I also yearned for the comfort a water bottle in hand provides. Todd asked around and secured a bottle for my use from Joe. The search for a spare water bottle did cut our warm-up run short but I didn't fret it, I was far more contented to have a portable hydration source.

With minutes to go to the start I took my first GU, took a final restroom break and made my way to the start line. Familiar faces were a comfort but my stomach was a ball of nerves. We started and I was immediately passed by a group of about ten. I was running faster than my target pace but I knew single track was right up ahead and I knew I would rather not have to pass others on trails. The single track we took however was not what we had run on training runs and it threw me off slightly, had me second-guessing how well I really knew the course. Todd passed me on Lasso, seconds later Jamie Swyers did. I tried not to let this bother me, I had convinced myself (or so I thought) that I was comfortable with a few of the seasoned ultra runners beating me, especially Jamie and Sarah Quigg. I’ve seen their times, I’ve seen them out running, I know they’re both strong runners.  It was still a setback to see Jamie pass by me running so effortlessly. I decided to hang on to her and Todd as best I could from that point.

Then at 1.48 miles a most ridiculous occurrence, I fell between the slats of a bike ramp. I never take the bike ramps in training unless they are the path of least resilience. However, I was chasing the group ahead of me which included Daryl, Jamie, Todd and a few other guys and when some of them took the bike ramp I thought (or rather didn’t think) to follow them. And I run on my toes and my right foot went between two 2x4’s, down to my shin. I was running fast and when my leg went down the action-reaction between shin bone and ramp was quite painful. I was trying to use a small tree by the ramp to pull my leg free and yet I look up to see no one has stopped and they are pulling further ahead of me. I managed to pull free and make it off the ramp and I looked down at the watch, 1.48 miles, that’s where my race probably ends, I told myself (always the optimist). And just like that the negative feelings started pouring in. For a moment I thought my race was lost.

Fortunately, I had a very negative race a few weeks back and I've been working on remaining strong. The struggle and yet resulting success at Douthat was at least a half-boost. Buy my shin hurt. Run until the aid station at Falwell Road, I urged the negative side. I knew that the pain might sub-side; I was more concerned with getting the anger and unconstructive thoughts to go with it. I ran easy up the hill on Lake Hydaway Road, watching as Todd and Jamie pulled further and further away. By the time I crested the hill they were out of sight. I ran hard down Lake Hydaway all the way to Lake Trail. On Lake Trail I could see Jamie at times but I was struggling, I took my second GU and walked a few steps up one of the small hills I have vowed in the past I would never walk again. It was becoming a rough day. I saw a girl behind me on the switchback at the top of Lake Trail, I was running scared. I knew if I didn’t pull it together I was going to spiral out of control.

I made it to the second aid station ahead of my goal for the day, perhaps too far ahead of my goal. I told myself to slow down, find a rhythm and a better pace. I ran the next few miles on Monogram Road and Monorail trying to refocus on my race. I didn’t run the switchbacks on Lower Dam Trail as well as I had during any training runs so I made up with it by running breakneck speed down Downhill Run. I teetered between running fast and feeling good to feeling spent and slow. On Bobsled I started to really contemplate my finishing time, I knew my pace was dropping and I wouldn’t break 2 hours, but I knew I could still easily hit my own goal of 2:10.

And before long I was on Walk in the Park, such a misleading name, it’s a hard section for me, hilly. I had a guy in front of me which was nice; I like to chase, or nevertheless to follow. I got passed going up a hill and decided to take another walk break to a count of 30 on the long hill that skirts Clear Cut Road and take a third GU. I was feeling tired yet was still having bouts of energy where I felt good, I took the downhill sections very fast.

At ten miles I decided I could hit 2:03 if I could run a sub 30 minute 5k. It sounds like a reachable goal but the last three miles of that race are on terrain that can break you down. The hills become more numerous, and even though I ran them in training they cry out walk break when you’re over ten miles in on race day. I had felt a few twitches in my calves up until this point. And even though there was only about two miles left in the race I decided to consume the fourth and final GU of my race plan, only about 20 minutes or so after the third. I drank the last of my water to wash it down. I knew I was getting close to the end; I started to feel some sort of second wind. And yet I took a final walk break when I saw Cheyenne and Debbie at the top of the final hill on the course. They were telling me about Todd, he had been en route to reaching sub 2 when they’d seen him. They looked so happy and full of energy. I wanted to steal their liveliness but I just took a longer walk break instead. When I took to running again I knew I was in the homestretch, so close to the finish I dug deep and picked up the pace. 

I was barreling downhill with a half mile to go when the cramps in my calves came back. Like fireworks rippling through my calf muscles, spasms catching and releasing, over and over. I tried to run faster but I was scared they would get worse, that I would fall on the trail. I prayed that they would cease. My pace slowed, the calf cramps continued, especially painful in my left leg, but I ran it in. I was so angry I wanted to cry; I bit my lip to hold it in. I felt betrayed by my body; I didn't even steal a glance at the clock as I crossed the finish line. I stopped, ready for the cramps to release. But they continued to spasm for several minutes.

Todd told me my time, 2:03:20. He gave me a little bit of a hard time for not being faster. I felt conquered by the course, by my weaknesses, the contractions in my calves. I have now had a string of poor finishes (in my opinion) due to cramping, three half marathons and a trail marathon this summer have all ended with cramping in the final miles. I have been trying to narrow down the culprit because it is humiliating to have it keep happening. At the 40 Miler I purposefully did not run the last mile in hard because I didn't care about the few seconds lost not doing so and was terrified that I would cramp up.

Having suffered from leg cramps during pregnancy in the past these cramps are different. They start with slight twinges in the calves and propel to tighter, rhythmic spasms the harder I push.  I never cramped until earlier this year with my first race fueling with GU or similar products. Am I taking too many GU? Or not enough? Do I need to consume more electrolytes? Am I not drinking enough water? Or am I just running beyond my ability? I have been looking for answers and to have it happen in the final steps of Deep Hollow was quite disheartening.

Immediately, despite the knowledge that I had finished third overall female, I felt like I had let people down. It took me half the day to realize I had let myself down with my perceived ideas of what others expect of me. I ran hard on a tough course. I grumbled about the calf cramps and the twenty or thirty seconds they may or may not have really cost me, I whined about my shin (which is still bruised and tender) but I can’t call Saturday’s run a failure. I reached my goals, what more did I want or need exactly? Will I never be content? Will I always be chasing a slightly faster time?

Sunday I awoke to sore legs, it was the first sign that I’d run plenty fast at Saturday’s race. My calves were tight, tender and sore. They carried that soreness that accompanies calf cramps the morning after they hit in the middle of the night, when you've all but forgotten about them. I begrudgingly took the day for rest following the advice that rest and recovery are part of training. I had hoped to hit 30 mile weekends between now and Masochist but I questioned the benefit on running long on tired legs and a downtrodden ego.

Today, after a few days further reflection on the race, I feel slightly better. I still have a lingering soreness in the legs but I've mostly returned to my ways. I skipped Sunday’s long run and cut yesterday’s run short, we can call that laziness. I spent hours worrying about Deep Hollow before and after, and now it’s on to hours spent worrying about Masochist but we aren't going to call that obsessive. No, I’d rather we call that passionate.

-Alexis

Looking much happier than I felt following Deep Hollow.

Deep Hollow Half Marathon 2012

Yesterday was the Deep Hollow Half Marathon at Liberty/Candler's Mountain. It is a brutal half course if I do say so myself but Todd and I both managed to hit our goals...for the most part anyways. I am working on a more in depth race report but here are the numbers:

Todd: 1:58:00

16th Overall

2nd in 30-39 age

Alexis: 2:03:20

22nd Overall

3rd Female Overall

The Couple Who Trains Together...

It's been a good week.

After eight days off following my inaugural 40 mile race I finally found the urge to run again. I was beginning to think I was suffering from ultraitis a fictitious illness befalling those in the weeks following ultra races where all desire to run is lost. Turns out I just needed to find my legs, and get a few runs in with my running partner.

Wednesday evenings we run trails. My charitable and uncomplaining mother-in-law comes over almost without fail to watch our growing brood on Wednesdays, has been for almost two years, and we are thankful and complain almost never about juice portions or snack frequencies. This affords Todd and I the luxury of running together in the mountains at least once a week though she’s often generous enough to come over at least once on the weekends. This week she came over three times.

That’s right Todd and I got three runs in this week together, all on trails in the mountains no less. Wednesday he was running late for the groups run so we started without him. After a few miles I left the group I was running with to head back to the parking lot for him. I was hoping to find him headed towards us but I ran the mile or so back to the car without spotting him. It was a good run up Monogram. I felt strong running alone, something I seldom do. When I reached the car and he wasn’t there I called him. He was running even later, wavering between coming to the mountain at all and heading home. I knew he’d worked a long day. I knew he’d been on a roof so that he could earn a living for his family.  I knew these things and yet I still said ‘I need my ten miles and the groups gone on without me, I need you here for six miles’. And minutes later he was pulling in, my knight in his Ford F-150. And we ran. We ran until the sun had set and my Garmin tripped 10 miles. 

I took Thursday and Friday off. Call it laziness. Call it lack of drive. Call it what you will I did little more than dance around the kitchen to fun. and the Avett Brothers the rest of the week. Saturday morning we planned a run on the Masochist course. I had yet to step foot on the course and was starting to get antsy about the unknown. With two other trail running friends we got in a little over 17 miles on the course. I could tell you I’m scared after Saturday morning’s run on the beginning of the race course. That I’m choking on self-doubt and fear, but I won’t, I’ll save that story for another post. 

Saturday evening I felt tired and drained but when Todd’s mom offered to watch the children on Sunday afternoon so that we could squeeze in another run we jumped at the opportunity. This morning we had a sluggish start, I found myself needing an extra cup of coffee and wasn’t even sure I wanted to run at all when my mother-in-law showed up bearing the pre-measured ingredients to make Pumpkin Bread pudding with the kids. Ready or not we pushed ourselves out the door to head towards the mountain for our ten miles.

On the way there I suggested a course to Todd. I never plan our run. Not the course anyways. I’ve never been familiar enough with the mountain to propose a route. After seeing the beginning of the Masochist course yesterday I knew what I wanted to do, I suggested that we start on Monorail and run towards Five Points, from there we would run down to Flames road then head all the way up to Clear Cut road then down and over Great Escape up Valley View road take a left down Monogram until Champion, take Champion to the camp where we’d take Camp Hydaway Road back to Panama all the way back to the car. He liked the sound of it. And thus the course we set upon was born.

We started on the single track section that is Monorail and Lower Dam, so many of these trails have been cut away and changed that I’m never quite sure where I am. We just followed the Deep Hollow signs to Five Points. I led for this section and I felt good. My legs felt strong and the weather was faultless. We hit Five Points and headed down to Flames Road without a word between us, I loved how we didn’t even acknowledge the plan having already worked out the details.

I was feeling invincible as we started the long grueling climb up Flames road, as we passed the turn we usually take and headed up the rest of the way to Clear Cut Road I started to get winded, I thought I needed a break, I started to walk. But did my loving, compassionate husband start walking with me? He continued plowing up the hill with those long legs of his. Not willing to be outrun I picked up my legs and started to run again. Turns out I wasn’t all that tired. Feeling the pressure I passed him on the downhill that is Clear Cut Road but slowed when he caught back up.

Are you going to run Hellgate this year, he asked. My first thought was Todd is foolish and I’m not that crazy. Hellgate is a 100k held one short month after Masochist.  I think you will if you run MMTR in sub 9:30, he baited. Did you just observe me walking up Flames Road, I jabbed, I’m not running a sub 9:30 at Masochist. I’ll be pushing it to finish in the cut off (12 hours) and no, I’m afraid no Hellgate this year. I’ll crew you, he offered. My second thought when he continued this line of banter was that he was just trying to make conversation. I think you’ll beat me at Masochist, I don’t know how you didn’t beat me at Douthat. Finally, my third thought, Todd thinks I’m better than I think I am. That realization was very heartwarming. Really to have a partner who I can run with, who I love to run with more than anyone, who thinks so much of me, who makes sure I get my runs in even when I don’t even want to run. Who pushes me and yet doesn’t push me off the sides of mountains when I break down from hunger and fatigue and start bemoaning and bitching. And I am competitive and I hate to admit it but I’m the jealous type as well. I get envious when he gets an extra run in, I want to run every race he runs, I want so badly to be as fast as him, as happy and easy going as he appears. I am nowhere near the runner he is let alone the person he is. I’m lucky to have him. I’m lucky that he puts up with me.

So finding this new found love for my spouse out on the trails today I immediately and at once set about to race him to the parking lot. It was unspoken, and yet he clearly and eagerly accepted the pursuit. I would bound up a short steep hill only to have to recover as he passed by me on the downhill. The long and final climb up Camp Hydaway Road was the best, I was falling apart, growing more and more fatigued with every step and yet I wouldn’t concede defeat. Wouldn’t walk, wouldn’t break. I kept on his heels to the very end.

And the course we’d laid was just over ten miles, and it was possibly the fastest ten miles my legs have ever seen on that mountain, and it was probably the most enjoyable ten miles in a very long time.

We went for an impromptu lunch after our run. Having run faster than we’d planned we had time to share a calzone at Vinny’s. During lunch we acknowledged the race like atmosphere we’d both felt out on the trail but agreed it had made for an invigorating run. I felt, for the first time in a really long time, that ‘runner’s high’ you often read about in magazines. And incidentally, I realized I’m just as in love with my husband as ever.

Like I said, it’s been a good week.

-Alexis

Odyssey Trail Running Rampage 40 Miler

Odyssey Trail Running Rampage

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Douthat, Virginia

This race has been on my race calendar all year, at least the marathon distance. Todd believed I could do well at the marathon, he thought I could perhaps place Top 3 for females. I thought the 40 Miler sounded more up my alley as I feel that distance is really becoming what I want to pursue. After Promise Land in April I decided to register for the 40 over the marathon. All summer we’ve run long runs in the heat, slowly pushed our mileage up, and focused on hills and trails. I am positive that our training could be improved upon in the future, but it wasn’t a bad start for my first 40 miler.

The week leading up to this race I ran the Virginia 10 Miler course on Monday and then a Wild Wednesday trail run of about 6 miles on Candler’s Mountain. Even though I was supposed to be ‘tapering’ I couldn’t restrain myself from giving about 85% Wednesday evening when the group went up Lone Jack Mountain, at the top my calves were tight, by the end of the run the right calf was even stiffer.  I rolled them out using the stick over the next few days, especially down between the calf and ankle and they just seemed to get increasingly tighter and even more painful. So much for a successful taper, in the future I should attempt Jack Mountain at no more than 50% three days before an important Ultra.

Friday morning Todd ran out for vital race day groceries and Panera pastries. Throughout the day we ate bagels and muffins and filled gear bags. We counted out our GU and Electrolyte tablets, we readied our Bag Balm and made sure our favorite shorts were clean. We focused on the little tasks at hand instead of what we were actually gearing up to do.

Saturday morning we awoke at 3:30 a.m. so as to make it to Douthat in time for the race briefing, I ate one last bagel at just before 4 am, it wasn’t enough as I found out at the starting line three hours later when my stomach was already asking for more food and I hadn’t even started running. In the future I need to eat more food before heading out on a long run. I should have known better after my 30 mile birthday run, starting out with 2 sandwiches in my belly a half hour to an hour before the run is much better for the run as a whole. Starting at a deficit will only lead to further trouble.

Even though we were up early and on the road we still made it with little time before the race start. I had to express milk and get dressed after we got there as I knew it would be a good 8-9 hours before I would be able to pump again. I had just gotten to the drop bag area where we had decided to set up our own aid station and the race start countdown was less than five minutes. I took my first grab bag out (5 GU and 3 Electrolyte tablets), I ate my first GU and took the salt tabs. I also grabbed half a PB&J sandwich hoping that it would be enough to calm my hungry stomach. It wasn’t enough, but it was something. Looking back this was such a poor error in judgment, fueling is crucial in a distance event and I started far too close to empty for comfort. 

7 a.m. and we were off and running. I fell right in with Courtney, my favorite rival from the Mountain Junkies series this past spring, we chatted about dogs and children and I was able, for the moment, to ignore the fact that we were climbing. The next several miles are mostly uphill, single track and lots of switchbacks.  Almost immediately my lower right calf, still tight and achy, let me know just how unhappy it was to be climbing before sufficiently being warmed up. I chased both Courtney and Todd up the climb but the calf began to worry me. I started taking walk breaks sooner than I had planned. I knew that my calf could loosen up with the run but I was ready for some relief. Todd pulled ahead and then Courtney pulled ahead. At the first aid station the terrain leveled out some and I started to feel some of that much needed relief in my leg. When the trail started to descend I was finally able to pick it up a little, I passed Courtney and caught up with Todd. I stayed with him for the remainder of the first loop, with Courtney right behind us. By the end of the first loop I felt really very good, I had drank about 30 oz. of water (a 20oz. disposable up the first climb and about 10 oz. from my Ultimate Direction handheld) and taken four more GU. I was foolishly beginning to think that the loop seemed easier than the hype I had heard from Todd.

Starting out on our second loop I felt almost better than I did on the first loop. During our time in the transition area there had been cheering from the sideline that was encouraging. I grabbed my second fuel bag, consumed my salt tabs and stuffed my GU in my bra; I grabbed my extra water bottle for the climb and half a PB&J. As we started back up the climb for our second loop we passed Courtney headed into the aid station we were just leaving and I felt the need to push more and take the climb on strong. Todd encouraged me to pass him and I did but I didn’t feel good about doing so, I was hoping to keep him with me for at least the second climb. I ran and walked to the aid station at the top of the climb and grabbed some pretzels but otherwise didn’t stop. I was running down the downhill that follows passing bikers who were calling words of encouragement when I tripped on a rock and went down hard. I slid like a baseball player stealing home. Three thoughts immediately came to mind: 1.) I wish Todd were here. 2.) Don’t cry. 3.) Run. I really wanted to stop, sit on a rock, have a good cry and wait for Todd. However, I knew if I didn’t start running right away that I would quite possibly stiffen up and be done for the day.  I was hurting but I started running again as soon as I stood up. My right knee, thigh and elbow were bleeding and stinging and moving took enough out of me that I slowed considerably compared to the pace I’d been keeping before the fall.  Unfortunately, the most debilitating aspect of my fall was that my confidence was shattered. My mental race was broken, at least for the time being, I kept looking behind me for Todd. I took walk breaks more frequently. My stomach started to growl and I began to question everything about my running. I started debating a DNF, wondering how I was going to finish the race. I was falling apart fast, thinking seriously about withdrawing my MMTR entry, and my running in general.  It was a downward spiral. I was walking more and more frequently and finding no desire to run. I would turn around and look behind me every minute it felt like, hoping to find Todd closing in on me. At one point I thought I saw Frank Gonzalez behind me, it may have actually helped move me for a half mile until the man, not Frank the Tank, passed me and I fell from 6^{th place} to 7^th overall.  I walked from the aid station at mile 24 (aid station 3 in loop) across flat ground. Flat “why are you not running” ground. It was crushing, my spirit was almost gone. My stomach was growling, it seemed unsatisfied with the primarily GU diet of the day, and I was starting to feel fatigued.  Finally, going up the steady hill after aid station 3 I caught sight of Todd on one of my numerous backward glances. He was gaining on me and I pulled over and waited for him to climb the hill. He yelled halfway up for me to continue. “I’m done”, I responded, acknowledging my hunger for food and my lack of will to continue. Feeling pumped he spread his wealth of adrenaline as best he could, it’s only your wall, he said. Todd’s presence definitely pulled me from the top of that hill to the end of the second loop. The group cheered as we came in again together. I only spoke enough to tell Ronny, the race director, that I really did not want to start the third loop.

With only a minute or so at the aid station I grabbed my final gear bag, as much food as I could carry and I headed out for the third loop. Todd and I started the climb together as I attempted to satisfy my seemingly insatiable appetite. I ate another Strawberry Banana GU, half a PB&J, a handful of Pringles and drank 20oz of water. I felt my hunger subsiding as we walked the majority of the long climb but muscle aches and foot pains had taken their place. I hiked along behind Todd, he offered to let me pass but I was relying on his companionship to pull me up the hill. I don’t know that we spoke to one another over the course of the next three miles. Near the top I started to get antsy that we were walking too much. Not that I felt strong enough to run, but I felt that I needed to increase the distance between me and the rest of the pack (I am, after all, a most competitive runner). I was convinced that every other runner out there was stronger than me and was certainly running up that third climb and about to pass me at any moment. When we finally reached the aid station at the top of the mountain Todd sat down to take a salt pill and I looked at him aghast, are you really going to sit? Fearing the competition enclosing upon me I left him sitting on the mountain beside the Gatorade coolers and headed on alone. I didn’t see anyone as I headed on back from the aid station so I convinced myself that a forward moving motion would suffice.  I ran but ran slowly, fearing running on empty.

Thankfully this next section is largely downhill but I wasn’t pushing hard, just pushing onward when less than two miles after the aid station Todd literally flew upon me and passed me as though I were standing still. His break at the aid station that I mocked had clearly benefited him with a second, or was it a third, wind? I was exhausted just witnessing his effort but I do believe I did pick up the pace even if only a little. I started to break the race down, only eight miles left, imagine an eight mile run just beginning on tired legs. Only two miles left until the next aid station. Only a little further until the long gradual climb and so forth. When I finally made it to the aid station at the horse camp I was walking flat, paved surfaces yet constantly looking behind me for approaching runners.  The long climb after this aid station was slow, I walked it almost in its entirety but it was also the point at which I had seen Todd on the second loop and I knew that it wasn’t all that far to the finish so just reaching the climb was at least a half-pleasantry. Climb this hill and you know you can finish this race I told myself.

These next few miles were tough but they were also rewarding. I knew that the lure of the finish line was enough to pull me onward. There is a section of trail that runs along a lake at the very end of the loop, this is where I had my ‘I am really doing this’ moment. I knew that the finish was close at hand and that soon the 40 Miler would be nothing more than memories and recollections, race results and finishing times. And then, with a little more than half a mile left to go, Todd appeared running towards me. He stopped and let out a most terrifying shout, bellowing “YES” presumably at my presence.  He shouted some more words of encouragement but all I can remember now is that first deep throated scream. He seemed as stoked to see me that close to the finish as I felt to be there. That and he was clearly coming back for me so he was probably thankful that he didn’t have to go all that far to find me.

And then I finished. Not quite sure yet how I feel about my race even now, a whole week afterwards. I don’t feel that it went well. My tripping on a rock, falling and the resulting mental collapse in the second loop was a real unconstructive way to run an ultra and yet I’ve not run enough to know how else to feel. I mean should I expect pessimism to rear its ugly head with distance running? Does conquering long distance truly get better with experience? Was what I feel to be a ‘bad’ race day really a pretty good one?

I finished the race in 7:42, which was good for 8^th overall and 1^st female.  I feel like I still have a lot to learn about training, fueling, and mental fortitude and I am perhaps more nervous about Masochist. I was hoping for a little more confidence coming out of this race but now I have even more reservations.

-Alexis

Race Report: Promise Land 50k (Alexis)

Running an ultra was not part of my plan for the year. But then having a baby wasn't part of last year's plan and we've seen how that went. Besides, you know what they say about the best-laid plans.

So an ultra wasn't on my race calendar when the year began but rather a slew of shorter races. However, after only a few training runs with a local group of runners training for Holiday Lake 50k and I caught what I called ultra fever. I envied those registered for Holiday Lake but I knew that I wasn't ready. Terrapin fell on the same day as a race that was part of another trail series to which I was already committed. It wasn't until April that a local ultra race fell on an open weekend, Promise Land 50k. Described on the race's home page as 'the toughest 50k you'll ever love' and awarding finishers with a pair of Patagonia shorts I was intrigued. I wanted a pair of those shorts. I also wanted a chance to test out my theory that perhaps longer distances are where my strengths truly are as a runner.. I had only run one ultra (Holiday Lake) when I found out I was pregnant last year and I've been itching to run another ever since.

Off I sent my registration and check and then set about to change my mind, realizing that perhaps the best way to cure ultra fever is to register for one. My training was lacking in sufficient long runs and the thought of going the distance, which was rumored to be 34 miles, unnerved me. I changed nothing in my training regimen after submitting my application but I did begin to study the ultra. I read other's stories from past years, I quizzed all the ultra runner's I knew for advice and pointers, all the while taking mental notes on what may work for me.

Two training runs on the two weekend's preceding the race introduced me to the course. We ran the "Dark" side which included the hike up Apple Orchard Falls in sunny, warm weather where I wore poorly fitted shoes and ended up with nasty blisters. The following weekend we ran the "Light" side in chilly, rainy weather for which I was under-dressed and ill prepared. Though both runs ended with me achy and miserable they were invaluable experiences to better prepare me for the actual event. They were also my two longest training runs to date at about 15 and 18 miles.

The week leading up to Promise Land I spent approximately four hours studying the elevation profile that comes in the Runner Packet, I had nightmares, ran very little, and slept even less.  Those who cared for me told me not to stress the race. Those who knew me well knew I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I also had many phantom aches and pains, especially in my left knee. Having suffered from bouts of ITBS in that knee in the past and having it flare up at the only ultra I've ever run made it a constant nagging fear.

Friday night my amazing mother-in-law came to sleep over so that we could head out to the race headquarters and camp. We made it out to the camp Friday night just as the race director, Dr. David Horton, was beginning the race briefing. We had made up the back of the van into a makeshift bed and retreated there after a brief time at the bonfire. Surprisingly I got a little sleep, broken as it might have been, before finally giving up at 4 a.m.

Having a small baby at home whom I was nursing required that I express extra milk during the week preceding the race for the baby to have while I was away as well as pumping right before the race commenced.  This was a serious concern for me, I wasn't quite sure how my body would react to going eight or nine hours without expressing the milk, of which blocked ducts and damage to supply were my biggest fears. It was a rough morning getting started to say the least. I didn't eat as much as I normally would before a race and I didn't have coffee. I did however take two salt pills, a few Pepto Bismol, and a dose of preventative Ibuprofen.

By the time we officially began I was beyond ready to just get moving. I decided with moments to go to change the position of my race number, change my top and lose my gloves. Getting out of the camp from my position mid-pack was slow moving, I dropped my head, turned on the iPod and just started moving. I had planned to run from the start to the end road maintenance sign about two miles in and then walk to AS1. At this point I am not a good climber, I've short legs and feel that running inclines will always be to my advantage but I'm not quite able to tackle just any climb. I ran as planned to the sign and then walked to AS1 (37 minutes) where I didn't stop but returned to a jog. Shortly after entering single track I heard a voice from behind,  "Lady, your flashlight is on." I had forgotten to drop it at the AS and had stowed it in my fuel belt but had apparently turned it on in the process, I shifted to turn the light off when I realized the voice was that of my husband, Todd, whom I had passed on the way up the first climb without even noticing. He got ahead of me and I just followed.

I decided that I would stay with him if possible to Sunset Fields (AS3) where I would then probably lose him on the downhill to Cornelius Creek as he is fearless on rocky descents. When I shared this plan aloud he warned bitterly, "run your own race". Somewhat crestfallen I allowed myself to fall behind several paces but vowed silently yet even more fervently not to let him out of my sight. And through the rolling single track we ran, several people between us, but I caught him occasionally stealing glances backwards in my direction. Once he even told me to fuel, I ate three chomps, Watermelon, and swore them off after my brain nearly refused to swallow the third one. Before long the single track opened up to a horse trail, this was my favorite section of the entire day. Sometimes I was ahead of Todd, sometimes he got ahead of me, but by the time we came upon the AS at the gate we were running side by side. I grabbed two peanut butter and jelly quarters, some Pringles and a handful of M&M's and refilled my bottle. I was carrying only a 10 oz. handheld Nathan and a fuel belt with two 10 oz. bottles that I was saving for the hike up the falls later in the day.

Together we began the climb up White Oak Ridge but quickly Todd pulled away. I went back to my music and ran my own pace. Running and walking at intervals. Sometimes counting, sometimes replaying a song, doing whatever to get me further upwards. This section I know I could improve upon in the future, I did a lot of walking on what seems very runnable sections of trail. We were mostly alone on this section, we didn't see another person until the photographer at the access road. We ran the downhill side by side and I knew that I was making better time getting to Sunset Fields than I had originally planned. Just before the AS a man waiting on another runner told me he thought I was 6th female. This helped me pick up my pace and my spirits. We came into Sunset Fields the first time in 2:32.

At this point I stopped to refill my small bottle, grab more PB&J and a potato section and Todd ran on to face the descent alone. I was stoked, I had kept him to Sunset Fields as hoped for and I had made better time getting there than I thought I would. I thought that was the last time I would see Todd until the finish. I began the run down Apple Orchard Falls trail and tried to eat the food I had grabbed. My stomach saying please my mind saying not a chance. After only a few bites I threw the rest of the food out. I did well on this section, I ran it hard, focusing on my feet. On the training run this section was painful due to blisters and bad shoes, in my new Montrail Bajadas and two pairs of socks my feet (also covered in a thick coating of Bag Balm) were happy. I was happy.

When I came into AS4 I was shocked to see Todd's jersey through the trees still at the aid station. I was filling my water bottle quickly as I saw him disappearing down the road when Horton confirmed I was 6th female and that top 10 females would get a special award. I grabbed two more PB&J quarters and two crackers and took off. I'd made it in 3:12, I had read you can double your time at this AS to give yourself an idea of a finishing time. I ate the crackers but the head really wasn't accepting the PB&J quarters any longer. I held on to them for over a mile before I tossed the second one.

I was slowly gaining on Todd when Dr. Horton passed by in a truck whispering, or perhaps shouting, I'm not really sure, "Top 10 females". I hadn't seen another female in front of  me or behind me all day but I knew that I didn't want to slip from 6th after holding that position for almost 20 miles. I caught back up with Todd but instead of passing him I engaged him in conversation, he told me to go on but I knew we were headed into single track again and thought it would be nice to have the company. He confided he was having a rough patch. I was beginning to feel tired.

We did a lot of hiking but still ran between AS4 and AS5 at Colon Hollow. I grabbed more PB&J but they tasted like poison and I threw them out. This would prove to be the worst move I made all day, not eating enough real food at the aid stations in general but especially after my body had already shown warning signs.

This next section was the hardest mentally all day. I grew more and more tired over the next several miles. My stomach started to revolt the lack of actual food it had received. I'd been doing well (at least for me) on hydrating, emptying my bottle between each AS, but my caloric intake was not satisfactory. I walked a lot. This section had seemed so rolling during the training run, now it all seemed uphill. I berated myself.  Todd and I pushed and pulled each other through this section, sometimes he was ahead setting the pace and pulling me and other times I was ahead looking back for him. The weather was nice, I told him I was glad I had ditched the long sleeve shirt at the start. We dunked our hats in the creek when it was deep enough and rolling. Todd thought the next AS was closer, I feared it was not, that we'd finally stumbled upon some of those extra Horton miles you hear about so often. At about 24 miles in Todd asked if I wanted to stick it out the rest of the way together, maybe cross the finish line together. I readily accepted the proposal knowing he would be an asset climbing the falls. Finally I started to comeback, I was feeling better and we once again were going downhill which helped pull us along.

We came into the AS at Cornelius Creek for the second time at 4:52 and I made a point to grab food that I thought my body would accept, especially with the hike up the falls approaching. The volunteers told me I was the 6th girl they'd seen through at that point. I was starting to feel some pressure. I grabbed a handful of trail mix, some Oreo's and a large handful of Ritz crackers and headed off with my bottles full and the climb to come steep. I called back for Todd to hurry up and started off up the flat section that would ultimately lead to the falls and the hardest terrain to cover for the entire day.

The first section of the trail was relatively flat and I felt like we should be running but instead we recovered from being exhausted and ate the food we'd acquired. Those Ritz crackers were amazing. We chatted and hiked and our moods were quite merry. The trick here is that it isn't actually getting up to the falls that is so trying but rather the section just past the falls up to Sunset Fields. Especially the long string of man-placed stairs set apart at such an awkward distance that you can't even set a pace as you climb that really tires you out. We were just past the falls when Todd commented that we are about to receive a storm. We decided to pick up the pace and try for Sunset Fields before the storm arrived. Unfortunately, even with the improved pace we didn't outrun the storm. And what a storm. The temperature dropped, it rained, it hailed. My arms burned from the cold and being pelted by hail. It was hard. I was so thankful when I approached a sign that said .3 to Sunset Fields. I thought about all of the people behind us and how the weather was going to effect them. We were about to reach the home stretch and the rain was discouraging, I could only fathom what runners further out who may not have even reached the falls were experiencing.

We made it to Sunset Fields in 5:49. We had climbed the falls in much worse weather than hoped for in just under an hour. Again, this is definitely a time that could be improved upon but I was happy with on race day. I didn't even fill my bottle because it was so cold and wet I just wanted to keep moving. We took off and headed towards the final section. We walked the final uphill though I felt like we should be running it and Todd told me to start out ahead when we turned off to start the final descent. It was wet and the trail was starting to fill with little streams, but we took it on as fast as we might have if it had been dry. It was cold but thrilling. During a particularly rocky section Todd got ahead and shouted that I would catch him on the downhill road section. Before long we were at the last AS and we ran past.  This section is so steep going that it's best to just open up and let gravity do its will. By the time it starts to level out just slightly you are already going at break neck speed and we just continued on. I knew Todd wanted to finish in 6:30 and that we were going to be close but just miss it but I tried to keep the pace up. Todd said his quads were cramping up. I wouldn't back down the pace for either of our sake. I stole a glance backwards up the hill there was no one in sight but still I pushed on, wanting us to be as close to 6:30 as we could get.

When the road flattened out Todd got on the shoulder of the road and apologized that we couldn't go any faster. I knew he was hurting but I also knew we were so close to the finish. I was feeling good at this point and pumped to the max with adrenaline. We rounded the turn into the camp and there at the far right was the  pavilion and the finishing line, we clasped hands and covered the last hundred yards holding hands. We had covered the 34 miles (according to my Garmin, 34.04) in 6:33. Almost a half hour faster than I had hoped for and feeling pretty good. No injuries which is almost as exciting as the faster-than-anticipated finishing time. I got my pair of the coveted finisher's short and a very nice finisher's shirt for being the 6th female to finish.

Then the cold started to sink in and my teeth started to chatter. I made my way to the car where I slowly warmed up, changed clothes and ate far too many doughnuts and cookies. Once warmed up a little we went back out to watch more finishes and eat some post-race food. As the day wore on the soreness settled in but it was better than I'd expected. Mostly I was tired. We had a lazy evening with the kids but by Sunday we were up to our usual antics with the help of a few ibuprofen and rolling the most painful muscles out with a golf ball. Today (Tuesday) I feel great.

All in all, it was a great day. I finished ahead of my goals and I got to run off and on with my wonderful training and life partner. There were several places that I can already identify as needing improvement which I think is a positive thing because it suggests I could finish even stronger. I need to further focus on hill running, long runs, and proper fueling. Also I'm only averaging about 40 miles a week and I've been told if I can increase my mileage more improvement can be made. But Saturday did confirm one thing for me, I love this distance. I was so fearful of the mileage before the race began but once I was out there running I never once thought I wasn't going to finish which gave me a much needed confidence boost in tackling further ultra distances.

-Alexis

Race Report: Point of Honor 5k

Not a lot to say about this race. It was my first 5k on roads since last year. I was nervous and I tried not to think about the race at all. Whenever I did think about the race I would get this overwhelming surge throughout my body, it felt like electricity pulsating through me. Nerves.

I ran a four mile easy warm-up. I lined up. When the gun sounded I took off. I ran as steady as I could, I raced somewhat well. I finished in 22:20 which is a 5k PR for me even if by only 3 seconds. I'll take it. I was also 3rd Female Overall which is the first time I've ever placed top 3 overall in a road race.

It was a good race, lots of great runners and volunteers out there and I was glad to be a part of it.

2012: Week 15

Monday: Ran 4 miles alone in Wyndhurst. Knee gave me some trouble, think shoes have seen better days. Biked 35 minutes on machine.
Tuesday: Knee ached all day, ice, ibuprofen. Ran an easy 6 in different shoes.
Wednesday: Trail run Montrail Rogue Racers having toe/foot pain cut run short at 8 miles though 12 planned.
Thursday: Rest. Bought new shoes.
Friday: 2 miles in new shoes, felt good.
Saturday: Mill Mountain Mayhem 10k in new shoes, felt pretty good. 8 miles.
Sunday: Promise Land training run. Got blisters with new shoes about 2 miles in, Todd tied my shoes really tight at two miles and I was able to finish the loop of about 16 miles. Bad blisters on little toe and side of big toe on my left foot. Other wise a good training run.

Miles ~ 44

Having some trouble finding shoes. I have been in a series of Brooks Defyance for the last year that I loved but when I tried the 5 I did not like them as I had liked the 3 and 4 series. I got a pair of Ghost 4 but still the jury is still out on them after getting blisters in them yesterday. Need to find a shoe I can run Promise Land in, less than two weeks from now!

Race Report: Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k (Todd)

AKA The most painful recovery run every.

For those of you just tuning in, I ran Terrapin Mountain 50K the Saturday before this race.  Sunday I tried to run a short easy recovery run and ended up crying like a baby and limping back to the car after 23 steps.  My quads were shredded.  Wednesday I managed an easy paced trail run, and I thought that my legs might be loose enough to pull off a 10K, so we set off to Richmond.

Saturday morning Alexis and I parked 2 miles away from the start line so we could "warm up" before the race started.  I swear that woman is obsessed with warming up.  During the warm up my left leg still felt a little sore, but it loosened up as we ran.  I was actually feeling pretty good when it was time to queue up in our waves.  I was one wave ahead of Alexis, which gave me a one minute head start.

I felt good but sluggish as I started out.  This was my third year running Monument Avenue, so I knew what to expect from the course, but I had never really raced it hard before.  Last year I was suffering from some sort of Achilles/Shin Splint issue, and the year before I was new to running.  But I'll tell you this:  flat does not mean easy.

At the half way point we make a U-turn and you can see the thousands of people behind you.  There was Alexis, maybe a little more than a minute behind me, and looking stronger than I felt.  By mile four my legs were screaming for me to just stop and sit down for a few more days, and my pace began to decline.  At this point I started looking around for her to be passing me at any minute.

The race actually ends with a little bit of a down hill which was somewhat of a saving grace.  I was able to manage to keep running the whole way, and pull out a PR with a finishing time of 45:35.

This is a great race for any runner looking to PR a 10K, but other than that I'm not overly impressed with the race itself.  Maybe it's hard to do too much with 34,000 runners, but I felt we were treated like cattle at the start and finish lines, with race workers actually yelling at runners to "keep moving" and "get out of the way". I'll take a good local race with 500 or less runners any day, where I can collapse in the shoot without fear of being scolded.

2012: Week 14

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Track/speed work, 6 miles
Wednesday: Trail run, loads of hills, 12 miles
Thursday:  Rest
Friday: Rest
Saturday: 4 miles warm-up, 5k race, 3 mile cool down
Sunday: 10 miles of hills...man I am tired...

Miles~ 38

I decided when I was drawing up the weeks plan to make Wednesday a little longer of a run because with Easter and a race on the weekend I wasn't sure I would get a long run in. Glad I did because 12 ended up being the long run. Really need to focus on getting in those long runs as I head towards a 50k and marathon in the next three months. I don't feel as though I am on target for those races because my long runs are lacking in length.

Race Report: Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k (Alexis)

A.K.A. Now I Know Why the Hare Needs that Nap.

In January when all of my running friends were training for Holiday Lake 50k (or so it seemed) I decided to choose a goal race. I decided, having never really raced a road 10k, to focus on the Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k in Richmond at the end of March. It was my first ever 10k in 2010 when Todd paced me to run it in 51:13, almost five minutes faster than I thought possible at the time. Last year I registered in the 48 minute wave, hoping to run it in sub 47 when I found out I was pregnant. Morning sickness overcame me in the weeks leading up to the race and laziness had me pouting on the couch instead of running but I still managed to run it in 53:01 last April.

This year I started out just wanting to run it in under 50 minutes. I had not raced in a road race yet this year and was not sure what kind of time to expect at the 10k distance. I ran a trail 10k in January in 54 minutes but I knew that I had improved and gotten stronger since then. This race on my calendar was the reason I started looking for a group to do speed work with each week. However, other than speed work I wasn't really doing anything to prepare me for this flat (by my standards) road race. A few weeks ago a fellow runner told me I should try out Tempo runs. I managed two tempo runs into my schedule over the last few weeks, the first run at an 8 minute pace and the second at a sub 8 for six miles. I began to think I could run Ukrop's even faster than anticipated, maybe even somewhere between 45:30-46:30.

So I concocted a plan, I would aim to run a sub 23:30 5k split, or as close to 7:30 as possible and then get progressively faster over the second 5k getting a negative split, hoping to work my overall pace down to 7:20 by the end of the race. That was my plan. Why I decided at the starting line to throw it out and just throw caution to the wind? I have NO idea. I've been asking myself what happened every half hour I've been awake since the race commenced.

I mean Felix warned against going out too fast minutes before the race started. I, myself, am always warning Todd about going out too fast. I NEVER go out too fast (Ok, there was that ONE time at the Bedford Christmas Classic 5k but even then I swore I would never do that again!). I am the Turtle. I pride myself on being the Turtle, slow and steady. And yet I'm standing there in my wave at the start line and my iPod won't work, I stuff the silly thing down my bra and begin to get so worked up about not having Cat Stevens and Conor Oberst to help me through any trials and tribulations that might arise during the run that my race plan apparently got buried. I mean they let my wave go and the next thing I know I'm running and passing people and thinking to myself, "This seems fast Self, too fast, what is this pace?" 

A quick glance at my watch to verify what I already know, I'm running faster than planned. I wasn't sprinting but I was keeping a 7:02 overall pace at this point. "That's too fast!!!" One side of my brain said to the other. "You can do this at this pace, just see how long you can keep this up, it doesn't feel that bad" said the other side in defense. So I trucked along, passing others and running hard for just about two miles when I started to get exhausted. Both sides of my brain tried to console me and told me just to slow and recover. And that's what I did, but it was mental anguish. I hadn't hit the halfway point and I was feeling as though I'd ruined my race with a rookie mistake. The thoughts that I'd ruined my race, that I was too cocky, that I knew better than to race this poorly overwhelmed me as I crossed over the 5k marker. I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to have a negative split and was wondering just how badly I had effected my race. I felt awful and slow as dozens of people flew by me looking stronger and smarter. It was possibly the worst race experience I've ever had, I wouldn't give myself a break and I just couldn't push any harder during miles three and four. At four miles I started wondering if I should just call it and walk. I ran my slowest mile here, but did slow for some Gatorade at an aid station. At the five mile marker I tried to convince myself that it was just over a mile and I began to pick the pace up, but just a little. I would run a little harder for a minute and then worry that I was going to pass out. At the last aid station I grabbed a cup of water and poured it on my head, it felt warm, You just poured that over your iPod, do you really have no sense left in you? I further berated myself. I wanted so badly to quit. I wanted so badly to start over. It's something terrible to be in something and know how badly you failed it and yet have to continue on or risk further failure.

And finally I knew we were coming in to the finish and I managed to run, according to my Garmin, the fastest quarter mile split of the entire race. And just like that the race was over. However, my mental torment was just beginning. Despite the knowledge of a PR I just couldn't get over the feeling that I'd not raced smart. I want to be fast and I am at somewhat of a loss as to really make that happen, and that is frustrating, and yet it is even more frustrating to know I could have run better if only I had run smarter.

I finished in 46:52 which I should be ecstatic about, I was originally hoping for anything sub 50. It isn't my time that I'm unhappy about but rather the fact that I took the time to devise a race plan and then go all Willy-nilly at the starting line.  I don't know how much faster I could have been if I'd started slower or even if I would have been any faster had I started more reserved, but I know that personally I do not like to slow down during a race unless I'm running up a hill. 

I downloaded the splits from my Garmin and I didn't race as poorly as I felt at the time, the first eight quarter mile splits were between 1:44-1:47, the next four miles were mostly 1:54-1:56 with a few 1:58, 2:00. 2:04 was the slowest when I slowed for Gatorade. The last quarter was 1:38. On a graph, it doesn't look so bad. If only I could get a reprieve from the voices in my head. I am my biggest critic.

At least my shoes didn't come untied.

-Alexis

2012: Week 13

Monday: 5.6 running the Point of Honor race course with Brodie in the stroller.
Tuesday: Track session sort of cancelled due to lack of access to a track, ran with the group and then got in some stairs and hill repeats at Wyndhurst, 6 miles.
Wednesday: Trail run, good amount of climbs, felt good and strong. 10 miles.
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Ukrops' 10k in Richmond, 8 miles.
Sunday: Rest

Miles~ 29.6

Terrapin 50K

This was possibly the hardest race I've ever run.  The course seems to somehow defy the laws of physics, even though you start and finish at the same location, it feels like you climb for 80 percent of the time.  The downhills are steep and technical, while the uphills are long, drawn-out grueling battles.  I doubt that there is more than 2 miles of flat running in the entire race.

I set my goal for this race based on the accumulated wisdom of other Ultra runners who told me to add 30 - 40 minutes to my Holiday Lake 50K time, so I set out to finish in 6 hours.

At times I felt like I was running really well, but at other points during the day I felt like I was hiking way too much, and that the mountain had beaten me.  I was evidently not ready for this kind of a mountain race.

By the time I reached the last aid station at the bottom of Terrapin Lane, I was ready to just stop.  My legs didn't want to run another step.  But I grabbed some food, hiked a short uphill, and set out at a painful jog to meet my wife and friend who were supposed to be "running" in with me.

Through the next 5 miles of rolling hills I set my mind to the task of running in it's most basic form.  Focusing on picking one foot up after the other I battled through to the final downhill section to the finish.  That is where my "crew" met me.  I hurt too much to talk much, I told them to make me keep running.

I somehow managed to get down the last 2 miles of road and finish in 5:51.  Nine minutes faster than my goal, but much more painful than I had bargained for.  It was over a week before I could run again.  And I have Promise Land 50K++ to look forward to next month!

-Todd

Race Report: Montvale 10 Miler

Of all of the Mountain Junkies events that I’ve participated in the Montvale races are my favorite. They are, as far as trails are concerned, my favorite type of terrain to run.

Last year I was ten weeks pregnant at the event for which I did the five mile option. I had just made it through my worst week of morning sickness and hadn’t run a step when we showed up that morning. I was not concerned with race times or finishing places, only with my ability to actual complete the event. I not only completed the event but I fell in love with this race, the rolling hills, switchbacks and all. This year I have been looking forward to this event because I felt like it was where I could really shine, I knew that I could do well as long as I went into the event rested and injury free.

I had three goals for this race: 1.) To run sub 90 minutes 2.) To finish in the top 3 and 3.) To place in the top 20. This was the first time I've ever set out to compete for an overall placement. I wasn't putting a lot of pressure on myself, mainly I wanted to go out and run as close to an 8:30 pace as I could.

Race morning was wet and I knew that like Explore Your Limits the course would quite possibly be muddy. It actually put me in an even better mood towards the race because I had fared well in the mud at the previous race. When I ran my mile warm-up the course was even muddier than I had imagined. All the same I was thankful for all of those wet wild Wednesday trail runs and ready to run. 

The race went well. I went out faster than I normally would but I wanted to get far enough ahead to not have to worry about passing people on single track trails that were muddy. I was a little nervous about the distance and there were a few times I was worried that my pace was too fast for me to keep but I just slowed it down and took a minute or so to recover before picking it back up. Overall it was a great race, the last mile was the worst because my legs had grown a little tired and the mud was thickest through this section where all of the five miler participants had already run through. However, I made all of my goals. I finished in 1:23:53 which was good for first female and 17th overall.

Afterwards a friend who had run the 10 mile race with me went out to the Sedalia Center and ran out to meet up with Todd and run him in. By the time we got out there he only had a little over two miles to run. He did great  finishing in 5:51.  It was an overall great race day for our household. Looking forward to running a race or two with Todd in the near future.

2012: Week 12

Monday: Rest
Tuesday:  Track session, 3.5 miles with a friend. Total of 10.5 for the day.
Wednesday: Easy trail run, 6.4 miles.
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Warm-up, race, ran Todd in at Terrapin, 17 miles for the day.
Sunday: 2 shake out miles at Candler's, Todd was too sore to run and I wasn't prepared to run alone.

Miles ~ 35.9

2012: Week 11

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Track session, arrived a little late, didn't get in as long a warm-up in as I'd planned. Did a ladder workout of 400, 600, 800, 1200, 800, 600, 400. The whole work out was a little bit of a struggle and it was warm out. 6 miles
Wednesday: Trail run, great run. Ran 13 miles on Candler's in just over 2 hours. Pushed it several times and then almost crashed twice but was able to recover while running both times.
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Ran ~5.5 with a friend, a comfortable pace.
Saturday: Did not want to get up and out of bed for this morning's run. Brodie was up three time the night before and I was just wanting to go back to bed. Ended up going out to Blackwater and ran an awesome tempo 10k training run faster than my current goal for the race. Track work is paying off. 7 miles.
Sunday: Long run on Candler's 15 miles.

Miles for the week~ 46.5

Didn't do any cross training or strength this week and my long run was shorter than I had planned (supposed to be 16). However, the tempo run on Saturday has me pumped for the upcoming 10k  at the end of the month. But first, Montvale 10 miler this upcoming week. Aiming for ~9 minute overall pace. Hoping that all that running on Candler's will pay off.

-Alexis

It's Official

My Promise Land 50k++ application has left my possession and is on its way to the race director. Now for a countdown...45 days.

Still looking at this race from a very laid back stance. I have had a few people guess what my time might be but I have decided (at least at this point) to be very generous with myself on time, they do after all give you 10 hours to complete the course. Besides the terrain does have me a little nervous, I enjoy Holiday Lake for the same reason others dread it, because it's runnable (is that really a word?). From all that I've heard about Promise Land we're talking a completely opposite kind of race where hiking will be prudent. I'm excited but I'm not aiming to set any records.

Not yet, anyways.

-Alexis

2012: Week 10

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: Track Tuesday and then the Leesville Loop with Todd and Chelsie. 11.5 miles
Wednesday: Trail run, 10 miles.
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Rest
Saturday: First tempo run...maybe ever? Ran a mile warm-up and then 5 miles tempo keeping track of quarter splits. Wonderful run, came away feeling great.
Sunday: Long run. Ran 8 miles on the trails at Blackwater Creek which felt fun and easy and continued on to pavement where I realized I was getting a blister. Pushed out the whole 15 miles but my feet were not happy. Good starting point for a long run as now we start building for the marathon...

Miles ~ 42.5

Alexis

Surprised how difficult the long run felt, quite possibly pushed the pace too hard, maybe should have run even slower. The tempo run however had me feeling good about my goals for Ukrop's Monument Avenue 10k in a few short weeks.

Race Report: Explore Your Limits 5k

A few weeks ago, as the days headed towards the Liberty Mountain 5k, I was a complete and utter mess. Sure I was pumped, but in a way that nearly drained me. This past week was a complete different episode. Instead of breaking down the race into segments and fretting over pace goals or rather any goals really, I contemplated asking the race director if I could switch from the 5k to the 10k.

When I printed the registration for Explore Your Limits back in January I was so undecided on which distance to pursue I filled out only some of the form and stuck it on the refrigerator. The website suggests the 5k is a great beginner trail race and I suppose I felt I was taking the easy route by running the 5k. I eventually, but only halfheartedly, committed to the 5k and officially submitted my registration. However, as the race approached I began to second guess my decision. I even got so far as to draft an email to the race director to see if I might be able to change to the 10k. I knew that packets had been filled and entrants posted so I chickened out on sending the email, deciding to stick with my decision instead of being a bother to the race director and volunteers (the deletion of that draft a few minutes ago reminded me that I had failed to write up a race report!).

Due to this wavering between race choices I never really thought about the actual race. Friday night I gathered my race gear but because we were also bringing the children along for the race there was so much of their stuff to get ready that I again didn't have the time to worry over the looming race. I was more concerned about the news that, due to bad weather over the preceding days, the Blue Ridge Parkway was temporarily closed. I spent an hour studying alternate routes on Google Maps and worrying over how we were actually going to get to the race headquarters. The race itself was never really in the forefront of my mind.

Saturday morning's schedule was carefully planned out and executed and before you knew it we were at Explore Park a half hour ahead of schedule (thanks in part to the re-opening of the Blue Ridge Parkway). I was thankful to have a friend from our weekly Wednesday trail run there to warm-up with. We ran a two mile warm-up and I realized how little I knew the course even though it was my third year running this 5k.

The time flew by and before long the 10k race was beginning. Those of us running the 5k lined both sides of the road about an 1/8 of a mile from the starting line as the 10k race started promptly at 9 and then the 5k staggered ten minutes behind. It was enthralling to see the 10k racers run past, including a man around my father's age at the back of the pack. As he ran by I thought to myself I hope I'm still running trails when I am a septuagenarian. I know people half this gentleman's age whom the thought of trails alone would have kept them at home, his presence really was a source of encouragement. 

As the 10k crowd cleared those of us left running the 5k starting moving towards the start, I was going to place myself near the front when I remembered that being passed can sometimes do a number of my confidence level. Deciding I'd rather pass others during the race than be passed, I placed myself mid-pack and checked the laces on my shoes. 

Photo Credit Mountain Junkies LLC...I'm on the right.

Now even though this race was only a few days ago, it's all become a big muddy blur in my mind. The course was a masterpiece of mud and muck and I was so focused on staying upright and dodging puddles that the time hurried by. I ran fast and hard but I also remembered to have fun, which is something I think I'd forgotten the week before. There was slipping and sliding, narrow escapes from tumbles and falls and a section of switchbacks through gunk that had me clambering with the aide of trees through the trail. I was surprised a mile or so in when I passed the talented young girl who normally beats me without question at these events. I had the passing thought, "I can tell Todd I was in front of so-and-so for a few seconds ", but to my even greater surprise she never passed me back. On the long climb to the finish I slowed my run down enough to recover my breathing so that I could run the straight away to the finish line a little faster. I'm not sure that was necessary and perhaps I should have given it my all on that last climb. Besides, I can't say that I was all that fast as I neared the finish line. 

I was very thankful that Todd and our children were at the finish line. I know it isn't easy for Todd to have all four children during a race but I appreciate getting to see them and hearing their cheering voices at the end of a race. When Todd said I was the first female to finish the first thought I had was and I didn't even set any goals for myself! My second thought was maybe he was mistaken, he was after all, watching our children and taking pictures. Turns out I was first overall female. And that, I must admit, is exciting. However, I'm just as excited that I finished 10th overall in the 5k. Finally, I was assured by my decision to run the shorter distance. I finished in a time of 24:33, a PR but again I don't feel that's the best I have in me, especially since I know I geared it down on that last hill. Last year I walked the hill, this year I ran the entire course, next year maybe run those hills a little faster and shave off a few more seconds. 

This was the second race in the Mountain Junkies RNUT Series, and I am feeling ever more excited about this upcoming spring and the rest of the series. From this point on though I plan on doing the longer distance when given a choice between two races, which includes a 10 miler, a half marathon and a full marathon. 

2012: Week 9

Monday:  Rest
Tuesday: Track Tuesday. ~1 mile warm-up, ~ 6 100 yd strides, 1x800, 4x600, 4x400. I really do love these sessions...afterwards. Tough but worth it. Cycling and strength at the YMCA.
Wednesday:  Trail run, 8.5 miles.
Thursday: Zumba class at the Y and a comfortable 4.2 mile run afterwards.
Friday: Rest  Intended to run an easy 3 but never got it in...
Saturday: Explore Your Limits 5k. ~ 2 mile warm-up, 5k race. ~5.25
Sunday: Trail run. Supposed to be our 'long run' and was gunning for 15 miles. Ended up with 12 in 2 hours and called it a day.

Miles ~ 35

Alexis
Had a pretty good week, still some swelling in the foot but less pain. Trying to ice it but because it isn't as painful I tend to only think of it at the end of the day. With spring approaching there are going to be a lot of races on Saturday mornings. Wondering what this means for Sunday long runs as my legs weren't really up for going the full 15 yesterday.

Race Report: Liberty Mountain 5k

The Liberty Mountain 5k, held each year mid-February, holds a special place in my heart. It was, in 2010, the first time I EVER ran on trails. Covered in snow and hill laden, it was an experience I may never forget. I geared down from race mentality half a mile in and just enjoyed the adventure. It still stands as my slowest 5k, but regardless of my time I was hooked on trail running. Last year the race was held one week after my ultra debut and I went out and ran, irritated knee and all, over 11 minutes faster than the previous year and finished as first female overall. I felt as though I was in the best shape yet of my life last year when I ran that race and I was curious where I would be this year when I ran it. 

I've been training on Candler's/Liberty Mountain a lot this year and I feel that I am becoming a better and stronger hill runner all the time. Despite my training and growing confidence on hills I was still very nervous about this race because I was giving it the power to define where I stand as a runner. I went out on several occasions and ran the course becoming ever more familiar with it, but instead of empowering me it just made me grow worried.

To make matters a little more interesting my left foot started to hurt the week before the race and I took my shoes off Tuesday to see that the tendons were visibly swollen. Thankfully, ice, ibuProfen and KT Tape kept disaster at bay.  

Thursday, with a legal pad in hand, I broke the course down and made a race strategy. I went out Friday afternoon attempting to 'feel' my goal paces for different sections of the course just to be met with thunder and lightning. Drenched and defeated, I headed to my car. I was, to put it lightly, a mess.  

I tried to convince myself that none of this really mattered. And to someone else those words may be true. But it DOES matter to me. I want to do the best that I can possibly do. I want to be fast. I want to be good. I want to run with both my heart and my brain. I want to set, push and surpass my own expectations. 

I headed out early Saturday to warm-up, I readied the iPod and found my way to the starting line. Surrounded by strong people I felt so very unsure of myself. The race began and downhill we went. I did well keeping the pace I had set out for myself, and when I reached the first mile marker I was 3 seconds to the good. With everything going according to my plan I noticed a looseness in my foot, I glanced down to see my left shoe laces flying. I had tied them loosely but double knotted them, apparently when tied this way laces can shake free.  I contemplated running the rest of the race like this but decided that this was rather dangerous, especially with an already injured foot. I hopped off the trail and tied my shoe as quickly as I could. Back on the trail I immediately realized the other shoe was loose as well. I stopped to tie this one and five people whizzed by me as I struggled to make bunny ears. 

Finally back on course, I tried to refocus on my plan. For the first time the long climb between miles 1 and 2 flew past and I was back on target pace. Unfortunately, with less than half a mile left in the race, things did not go according to plan on Lake Trail. I had two people in front of me and I couldn't muster up the strength to pass them and so I just ran their pace. I didn't run this section at goal pace. Instead I felt like throwing up. The best I could do was a constant forward motion. It was a run, but it was not fast. Finally up the hill and out of the woods. The last section I felt like I was barely moving. I was done. I didn't even check the clock as I crossed the finish line. I knew that I had not met my goals based on my Garmin's average pace. 

I had three goals. To run every step of the course. To PR or come in under 28 minutes. And my 'secret' goal was to come in under 27 minutes. I did run every step of the course if you don't count shoe tying breaks. And I did PR, by 19 seconds. But I didn't hit my pace goal (which was 8:21-8:40 average).  I finished in 27:59, and was second Overall Female.

With a week's worth of perspective I feel very positive about this race. At roughly 3 months postpartum I hit a PR, and I still feel like I have room for improvement which is better than feeling I've done as good as I could ever do. Next year, sub 27.

-Alexis

2012: Week 8

Monday: Due to the LRRC meeting Tuesday night we moved our track workout to Monday. We did a variation of the ladder workout with six intervals between 600 and 1200. These sessions are hard but I feel great afterwards. ~5+ miles.
Tuesday: Ran 3 easy.
Wednesday: Wild Wednesday trail run. Ran the 5k course with a friend and then continued on for our old Wednesday loop. Felt good pushing up the pace for a few miles in the middle with a few guys who are a lot faster than I am, got in a total of 10 miles. Finished on the Power Line hill.
Thursday: Rest
Friday: Went out to try out my new watch and make sure that it was set up properly for the race Saturday morning. Started my run just as a thunderstorm came in. Ran 1.5 miles and was drenched by the time I got back to my car.
Saturday: Ran a 2 mile warm-up, a couple striders and then my 5k. Relatively happy with my 5k experience, race report to follow.
Sunday: Ran the Terrapin half course with a great group of people in the afternoon. The first half was very casual, picture taking, fueling breaks to view the scenery. Second half I pushed myself and felt awesome. Finished the course over 35 minutes faster than I did last March on race day.

Miles ~ 38

Didn't do a lot of cross training this week. Need to get back to the Y this week. Also suffering from some Extensor Tendonitis and Shin Splints in my left leg. Using a routine of ice, ibuprofen and KT tape to help quell the pain. Taking a few rest days possibly this week if need be to help as well.

Alexis