Want to hear it, here it goes...

In eighty-some hours I will join another nearly 140 other determined runners at the start of a special run, the Hellgate 100k ++.

It will be my second attempt at completion of this unique race that begins just after midnight, a race for which I was lucky enough to stumble into a few days before last year's running. Of course that was Sissygate and this year will be different because every year is different, every run is different.

Having spent the last week or so being afraid of the possible weather scenarios, my ineptitude and the general distance it is now time to narrow it back down to the core, cut things back to the simple truth that keeps me going. That is, simply put, I'll do what I can to finish, to reach whatever goals I've set down.

So what are those goals you might ask?

I generally set three goals before a race. The first is generally a very simple goal, such as to finish the race, have a good day, fuel well, etc. The second goal is usually the mid range, if I have a good day goal and usually consists of a PR by a few minutes or other generated time goal based on current training. The third goal is usually my 'secret goal', the if I have a perfect day and all goes wonderful and as planned goal. This year I've not done very well with hitting my secret goals and this has made me generally content that I've chosen for them to remain secret. I hate to publicize a goal and not accomplish it.

And yet, this morning I read something on Facebook that suggested I take a chance and put those goals out there. So want to hear them? Here it goes:

Hellgate is expensive (especially times two!) and not incredibly easy to get into, yet it's a special, tough race that finishers earn a certain merit by just completing. These facts, combined by my growing awareness to my sissy status and just how much I dislike cold weather determined that my first goal is simply, to finish. Combine the fear that the course (and thus the overall distance) may be more difficult this year I do not want to fall victim to warm fireplaces and drier shoes as I stumble into an aid station not to leave again. My feet have not ever fully recovered from the damage they endured this past summer at Western States and the rain is my biggest concern going into this event. A few weeks ago at the Richmond marathon my feet were wet for about six hours and my feet quite unpleasant  and painful by the time I finally got to change into dry gear. I do plan on having dry socks as a preventative measure but I fear for my feet. That said I aim to stay in the game.

My second goal may seem very low ball until you consider Saturday's weather forecast and my fear for my feet but I would like a sub 16 hour finish. Having failed to win a spot in this year's Western States Lottery I would like to walk (limp) away Saturday evening with a qualifier in hand for the 2015 lottery. If my head and feet don't fail me I believe this is a fairly achievable feat. However, I've not a great confidence in my training of late to be convinced that Saturday's run will be much better than this second goal.

So that leaves me with the goal I don't really want to share. This one is, if I'm honest, the one giving me the most trouble. I didn't even decide on it until yesterday after some extensive (read: ridiculous) analyzing of past training compared to current training, pace calculations and just a basic desire to always be a little bit better than I was before. All of this nonsensical premeditating and I arrived at the obvious, doesn't even make sense that it would be secret, goal of 14:35-14:44, basically a PR. I would love to think I can run a faster time but I just don't think I am properly trained for it. I would love to run closer to 14:20 but I kind of feel as though I ran at my potential last year in the good weather year and it will have to be a pretty stellar day to obtain a personal best. Truth is the more I read about the race the more I wonder how I ever ran what I managed last year.

But there's one more goal and this one is a little more difficult perhaps for me than the actual running of the race. I would like to go forward through the rest of the time between now and then turning my fear and hesitation into anticipation. It is not every day that I get to begin a run just past midnight, in the dark with a group this large, it is not every day that I will ask so much of my legs, my head and my heart. It is not every day that I get to test so thoroughly my weaknesses against my strengths. This is afterall an opportunity not a misfortune. I want to go willingly, excitedly into that cold, dark night.

alexis