This past Saturday's run at Iron Mountain was butt kickingly tough but after a few days rest and reflection I have a much brighter outlook on the experience. Because I find numbered lists to illustrate order and a sense of real productivity, here's a bit of what's come to pass in my mad mind.
1.) I'm now an ultrarunner. Vomiting was that last thing standing in my way of becoming a tride and true ultrarunner, having had the trail literally eat my lunch I feel completely entitled to really call myself an ultrarunner now. Yes, it's official. I'm getting a sticker!
Seriously, I was worried about vomiting at Western States and though convinced that it was going to happen it never did, never even got nauseous there despite the heat. However, now that it has happened I realize it really wasn't that bad. And to be honest, I should have thrown up sooner at Iron Mountain because I really did feel much, much better every time I did. Not sure that it would have made much difference in the overall outcome but hopefully in the future I won't be so skittish about seeing my insides on the trail side.
2.) I can finish what I start. This isn't to say there will never be a DNF in my future but I know if and when it happens it will be no small thing that brings me to it. Saturday was HARD. But I finished. It may have taken almost all of the allotted time, it may have only been thanks to the advice and encouragement I received on the trail but I still had to cover those 50 miles with these legs that are strong and this mind that is a little less so but WILL get there. There is a little ounce or so of confidence that has grown out of Saturday's near defeat because however near to defeat it was I still completed the distance, I'm still running and I'm looking forward to my next race.
3.) I love the ultrarunning community. The other runners, the volunteers, the race directors, so many people leaving their indelible mark on me as a runner but also as a person. I would likely NOT have gone on had it not been for two people in particular: Leah Linarelli and Tammy Gray. Leah gave me the push I needed to just let the stomach trouble run it's course instead of continuing to fight it and Tammy gave me the push I needed to keep moving forward when I was no longer sure that I could. But there were another dozen people who had a positive impact on my day: Beth Minnick, Brain Keefer, Dru Sexton, Cheyenne Craig, the Fig Newton guy, and many more. I couldn't run 50 miles, heck let's be honest I probably wouldn't run 5, if it weren't for this community that just keeps etching its spot in my heart. No gesture is too small, I may not have appeared thankful on Saturday (in my defense I was pretty drained) but I really do take account. Whether they want me or not I've completely associated myself with this community.
4.) I have to remember I want to be a lifer and I need to get my head and stomach on track, but I'm certainly not done. It's been suggested to me since Saturday's run (and a little before) that my head was the reason for my stomach troubles. I want to fight off that notion but the fact is there is at least a little bit of truth to the idea. Had I not completely fretted about my stomach I would have just gone with my usual pepto before the race start and possibly had a very different day. The fact that so many people keep suggesting to me that my biggest hurdle is my own head is starting to sink in. And though I've been laughing about it for months now, the truth is I don't really know how to change. But I know that I need to. Hoping that's at least a step in the right direction.
5.) There's still a lot to learn. Just as in overcoming my mental blocks I recognize that there is still room for me to grow. Also, I realize that experience can make you wealthy. I am no longer a newbie perhaps but I also can appreciate how running long distance helps you to, well, run long distance. Reading books on the subject is fine, training is imperative, and making race and fueling plans is great, but you may still be surprised when you find yourself in the middle of a run with a unique set of circumstances you may have yet to face. Though I've experienced blisters, and stomach troubles from both ends, bonking and injury, severe heat and terrible falls, I will not be surprised to find that there are still a score of incidents left to encounter on the trails ahead.
6.) I've been running but not training. I run for a reason. And sometimes I lose focus on why that is. But not much else in my life has ever asked so much of me yet given me back so much. Since June I've been drifting from run to run, no clear goals or target. If I want to get a hold of my head and ever get better I have to stop drifting, I have to get serious.
-Alexis
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