I took ten days completely off. I experienced a combination of ups and downs over my respite. Some days I was properly content, I basked in the extra time as a family and focused on the splendor that is all that I have. However, other days were near record lows in the Merriment and Morale department. Too much time spent on nothing, I suppose. I waited as patiently as I could for Wednesday to arrive, worrying whether or not I should be running. The answer to 'how much time off' not having a clear answer, a diagnosis without doubt still unmade. Was it a good idea to venture out for the weekly Wednesday run?
With each passing day my legs were on the mend but yesterday they felt neither entirely healthy or strong. I just wanted to go, it might be crazy or stupid, but I seriously missed the mountain and the people. In an attempt to manage any resulting discomfort I applied my small sampling of BioFreeze from last year's Trail Running Rampage and wrapped an ace bandage around the leg. I got dressed, fitted in my new Scott T2, and grabbed my iPod. I arranged a compromise with myself, I would listen to my body and break off from the group at any point I felt it was necessary for my own well being and recovery, agreeing to push nothing and call the run short at the slightest twinge.
I had hoped to be early, but instead we were a minute or so late. Driving into the parking lot my breathe caught, a considerable sized group was congregating around their cars, awaiting the evenings run. Nearly twenty, the group was more than double what it was just a few short weeks ago. This gathering might be inconsequential to many, even to those who attend weekly, but not to me. It is my sincerest hope that people will join us on the mountain every week, to experience the trails, gain confidence and endurance, socialize and counsel. To witness this gathering, yet alone be included in it, filled me with such an intense satisfaction I wouldn't have needed to run a step to make the journey over worth it.
Seeing that we were late the group, not wanting to waste daylight, set forth on the run. Expecting to run at least part of the run alone and remembering my iPod was still sandwiched in the console between the front seats of the van, I ran back to retrieve it. I was now placed at the back of the pack as we ran across the parking lot but I was just so happy to be running. Headed up the short hill that skirts the lodge I heard a whisper within Take it easy. Instantly I responded I took to walking and told anyone in earshot I was out. Watching the sizable group move forward in an aqueous motion as they reached the top of the short hill and rounded the corner, I smiled to myself for reasons unclear but cathartic nonetheless.
Not wanting to slow anyone in the group down and remembering the promise I had made with myself I hiked up to the old 'bald spot' at the top of the paved road along the slopes. I turned myself to soak up every angle, every conceivable view from the top. I felt pretty good, the legs, while tight, weren't overly upset. I turned around and headed back down at an easy run. I turned onto 1971 trail and turned on my iPod. I ran Peak to Peak, hiking the uphills and going along at a pace that felt comfortable. I absolutely just marveled in being out there on the trails. The further I went the more the muscles warmed up, the easier I took it the more forgiving my body seemed to be. I drank up the breathtaking views of the mountains as I climbed the Power Line Loop. The further I went, the better I felt, the better I felt the happier I became. I also genuinely enjoyed being alone, the knowledge that there was a large group out there on the mountain, probably breaking into smaller groups, gave me confidence and expunged any fears of running alone. I focused on my body and the miraculous but simple activity it was undertaking. I drank in the feeling of the cool sweat collecting on my back and my expedited heart rate, something I had failed to feel aqua jogging or cycling (yes, I am probably doing them both wrong).
The views, the rapidly beating heart, the warmed up muscles. Dear God, how I have missed thee. I felt incredibly free and impeccably content. Every so often I would reassess what might be hurting, questioning occasionally my choice of steep hikes over flat terrain. Is this stupid? I decided without hesitation I didn't care. Sometimes, Stupid feels amazing.
If anything is made more clear and powerful every day it's just how important running is to me. I tried to shake it, lessen it's effect over me the past week and a half, but it's hold on me is relentless. It's what I want to be when I grow up and I'm not getting any younger.
I reached the top of Clear Cut and came down Flames road until it ran into Monogram road. I started back up the Power Line Loop on the single track portion. I was feeling good enough to run but kept convincing myself to take it easier than necessary. I was in no hurry to end up on the bench again if it could be avoided. Out there, walking and running, I was alive again. I didn't care about Terrapin or Western States. I didn't care about training logs or what the competition was doing. I was just so happy to be running.
I ran into some of the group my second time down the Power Line Loop and ended up hiking and running with Grattan and Kat to the Monogram where we paused a moment before heading back to the parking lot. I continued to ere on the side of caution, even at the end, with the muscles sufficiently warmed up I walked the final hill, following through with my commitment to take it easy and knowing that pushing too hard might result in pain later and more days off.
The run had started clouded with failure, I couldn't run with the group I wanted so badly to without holding them back or pushing myself too hard. But in the end, I found an equally enjoyable experience within the intimacy of the solo run that blended with the group's run. I shared the mountains, if anything, in a more powerful way than the ordinary Wednesday run. In this the run was in it's own right a success.
Afterwards I felt better than I had before the run, which I find is often the case. This morning I felt perhaps a little more pain than I had hoped would be the case but as the morning led into afternoon I felt about the same if not better than before yesterday's run. Either way, I wanted, rather in some way needed to go out yesterday and in that same, complicated way I have absolutely no regrets about my run.
If I were articulate enough I could convey what running means to me, suffice it to say it's a lot and I feel better today in many ways than I did during all of last week. I think some things became clearer to me with a forced break but I need to keep healthy because I need to keep running. I don't believe the road to recovery has ended, and if anything how I felt yesterday just made me more conscious of how important it is to listen to my body so that I am not forced to take a longer, and undeniably harder break.
I'm still in a recovery period, still sifting through emotions, still trying to find the path I'm supposed to be on, but one thing is clear, trails are the perfect space for doing so.
-Alexis
No comments:
Post a Comment