Promise Land 50K 2022

 Promise Land 50k+

Saturday, April 23, 2022

The Background (aka The State of All Things)

If you're reading this there's a good chance you know me personally and thus are aware that I am going to California in a few short weeks to run the Western States Endurance Run. I was lucky enough in 2013 to be able to run Western States as my first hundred. It was a great experience but I felt it could have gone much better. I have been attempting for years to get back into States and for most of the early years of qualifying I was staying in decent shape and holding on to the goal of a better 100 miler there than my previous attempt. However, life and other things these past few years has caused me to stray from my purpose. Even though I was still on the path I wasn't really thinking about where the path would take me. And in all honesty, I have thought hard several times over the past two or three years about abandoning the path. 

But I stayed the course, qualified, entered. And finally, my name was drawn. I was (and am!) going back to Western States. I set out immediately to remedy my perceived lack of fitness, running more in January of 2022 than many a previous January. However, I probably wasn't as smart and well rounded as I thought I was being at the time and one small whispering pain turned into bigger, nagging pains. To say I am disappointed in the way training has gone as the days have ticked down is a heavy understatement to how I felt through most of February. With a persistent knee pain I dropped down to the 25k at Holiday Lake in February and had to ultimately back out completely from Terrapin. 

If you know me, you know that I suffer from heavy amounts of self doubt, self worth, self confidence, etc. My "self' needs a lot of work simply put. Having this nagging injury was causing many of these mental issues to flare up as well. I have a few blog posts I may never write but detail the demons that came haunting in late January and February. 

Finally, in mid March I gave the equivalent to the suck it up speech to myself.  Stop focusing on what is not and focus on what you can do! So what did I do. I shifted to things I could do. I couldn't really run, but I could walk. So I walked a lot. A lot, a lot. I biked (like Robbie advised!) I read. I started doing more functional strength exercises. Did I do all of the things? Nope. Not even close. But I am ok with being a work in progress as long as there is progress. Most importantly perhaps was that this whole time I was working on my why. 

In 2017, I had a really bad Holiday Lake. In many ways my running hasn't really been right since (and  even before). I have struggled with why a lot. A question I can't answer. I, a person of great curiosity, haven't handled being unable to answer the question. Not being able to answer the question has made me ask more questions, including is this sport really still for me? I have, thankfully, had small experiences that have kept me searching, not willing to give up just yet. But still struggling to answer a question only I can answer, what is your why?

In the beginning of running and running ultras the answer was "Could I run? Could I run 1, 5, 25, 50, 100 miles". But those have been answered, and over time chasing others and myself for a time was often not enough. It all came to a head in 2017 and has been hanging over my head and my heart for years. 

This season has not been my best, I dropped down and out of races, my paces and times are not what I once felt they should be. I won't lie, I want to be faster, always, but that hasn't been enough to carry me lately. What happens when the times just start getting slower? What happens after injury and a few years focusing on something other than the day to day training? Why do you keep showing up when you originally only caught the running bug to beat a time on a clock?  I knew these were locked away in the why but I needed to dig deep enough to articulate it, understand it, and then, run with it. 

Recently, I've been waking up early, not to run, but to steal some time away in the quiet before my children are awake, to read. Books on running by running coaches, books on grit, books on enduring and hope. Books that laid down how to break down your why. Again, several posts could come from the books I've been reading and the knowledge I've felt I've been gaining. It's caused me to reflect and look back but not on how I was once "better" and "faster" at races and runs but how did I feel before I was a runner and how did first running make me feel?

In 2009 I was just a chubby new mother who felt fairly alone, full of so many fears, with no real friends (other than Todd) who really hated herself and feared that soon so would her husband. When I thought about why I ran, it was because of Todd. Again, there's a whole sappy heartbreaking post I could write about how I started to run for Todd. Not because he asked me to, but because I wanted to do something with him and he had just started adventure racing, and because I was worried that if I didn't start taking care of me I would be less desirable to him. I know that sounds like a weak minded thought, but I was so very weak minded. Regardless, I started to run because I wanted to do something with Todd (adventure racing). To get in shape for the adventure racing I started to walk and then run. 

At the time running made me feel incredible, it made me feel more powerful and amazed by my body than I ever had. But over time, the feeling faded, doubt moved back in. Injuries came. Fears resettled. I was no one special. I just had to accept that. 

But in trying to accept that I was nothing important or special I turned the lights out on myself. 

Finding my why as of late has become like turning the lights back on. 

And, I believe, it's helping. I still need work on the actual running part, but I felt the purpose needed to be clearly defined so that a better drive for training could be unleashed. 

Because the knee and the running are not particularly on par with what they probably should be for a "race" I was unsure whether or not to register, this is the first time the defined why came into use. Does signing up for Promise Land align with my why? 

It all came down to the part of my why pertaining to what the running community means to me and what I want to mean to it. So at the beginning of the week of Promise Land I committed by finally registering. 

The Race 

Last year, our daughter Bailey told us that she wanted to run Promise Land in 2022. Our son, Cooper, made similar claims about Grindstone so I didn't think much of it until the beginning of the calendar year when she asked me if I would help her train. Todd made her a plan but I would help her stick to it by being a companion and accountability partner, something I endear having as well.  We ran the two official Promise Land training runs together and have talked about race nerves, strategy, tips and plans for weeks. This past week I even went back and read her Holiday Lake 2021 race report and it added a little inspiration to my own race this weekend. Sharing this weekend with Bailey, going to the pre-race festivities Friday evening with her, camping, cheering her in, cheering others in with her, was such a treasured gift. I can say I did not talk her into running Promise Land but it's hard to believe we had no influence over the choice. Either way, it was a pleasure to spend the weekend with her. I look forward to more races and weekends like this in the future. 

Between my newly polished why, my realistic race goals and Bailey's first Promise Land there was a lot to look forward to at Promise Land even if the weather was supposed to be hot, and honestly, I was hoping it got hot (I could use a little heat training between now and Western States). What were my goals for Promise Land?

1. To practice running and eating for Western States, long runs of up to 4 hours are just not cutting it to test this. So to practice with an emphasis on trying new things such as gummies and candy as potential fuel.

2. Keep my heart rate average below 150 bpm. 

3. Run sub 7 hours. 

A lesser defined goal was to enjoy the course and the people. In an ultra you travel a set distance but you can travel from one group to another meeting and reconnecting with people. In many ways its the friendliness and the connectivity I love about ultra running in particular over road running. It's nearly impossible to go out and run with 300 people over 30+ miles and not make new friends. 

Out there yesterday I loved this the most, from running over 28 miles with Robbie and talking about all things from macros to vacations, to meeting new people like Travis.

Promise Land is hard. At least I think it is, it's a little over 34 miles of steep up, rocky descents and it falls just as the weather is warming up but hasn't given anyone really the chance to get used to it. There are two sections of rolling terrain but one of them comes after 20 miles as the day has begun to significantly warm up at least if you're where I tend to be at this point. It can make enjoying the course a little more difficult. I aimed to relish in all the highs and lows. 

I wasn't really nervous Friday or Saturday morning, if anything made me nervous it was Bailey and questioning whether or not to run with her. However, we had talked about it a great deal and had decided we would start and do the first climb together but after that just run our own races. I was still a little nervous about letting her go out 'alone' for 34 miles. I trusted that the trail community would help her, she knew people at almost every aid station so I knew they would help her and relay word if something was amiss. 

I overpacked my pack with stuff I would be trying out over the day, my phone and headphone case for music and some tailwind. Spoiler alert, I had too much crap. It's not really a big deal, I'm used to weighing down the pack for a training run but I didn't need most of it. I didn't use the phone or headphones and I still didn't eat well enough between aid stations to warrant all that I brought. 

I carried a water bottle because I think they are easier to fill at aid stations and easier to ascertain how much you're drinking. Funny side note, Robbie pointed out that he could tell when I got serious about running a section, I carry it like a football if I'm working and hold it pointed down (less worried about a fumble maybe?) when I am taking it easier. I'm glad I went with the bottle even though I hate carrying it. 

I didn't bother with a headlamp. I'm not fast enough to worry that there won't be enough light by the time I hit the trail. I'm glad I went with this plan as well. 

Bailey and I started at 5:30 am together along with our friend Scott Covey. We started a bit further back that I probably usually would but I knew that with my race plans I didn't need to be closer to the "start line".  I love the way Horton begins his races. It feels a little more intimate than most ultras and definitely more so than road races. 

We ran a little further than we did on the training run, maybe just past a mile, but probably a little easier than we did on the training run. We got to see Beth Hart and catch up to Robbie Shull. I love these bits of the ultra races, getting to run and see people you don't often get to because of schedules or life in general. I saw Amanda who I had met at a training run, she was hiking and I told her I was proud of her because we had talked about running vs. walking this hill at the training run, I had told her to not stress this hill and it was a silly but happy moment when I saw her taking what I assumed to be my advice. 

The road climb was tough per usual, that last mile being hard on the calves as they've not warmed up yet for the day. But overall it went fast enough and the sun had stated to rise as we got to aid one and made the transition from the gravel road to the first trail section of the day. 

I guess I lost Bailey here. She stopped to get water from Blake and I kept moving. The aid stations at Promise Land are decently spaced but they are a little more spread out at Western so I tried to really only hit every other one especially in the first half on Saturday. I tried to get running as soon as we hit the trail but it took a good mile for the calves to get with the program after the initial climb. I aimed for  a steady effort and made a point to hold a conversational effort. 

I wanted to run smart, steady with a moderate effort, and not get my heart rate too elevated which I worried could be a problem in the heat. I believe I did a good job at this goal. I never felt like I was pushing until the final descent when I knew I wasn't going to make 7 hours but decided I would push past my heart rate governor just in case I could. Spoiler alert, #2, I couldn't/didn't. I planned to run easy moderate until Colon Hollow and then up it from there if I felt good enough. 

Scott, Robbie and I were still running near each other here and we started to pass small groups through here though Scott did a more efficient job of it. We caught up with Sophie and then Jen Lully as we made it to the aptly named "grassy road" section. Shortly after we caught up with Crystal Molnar. I felt mentally great about this, I felt good about my effort. I think Jen, Sophie, Crystal, Robbie and Scott are all great runners. I pondered briefly trying to run faster/harder but thought about how happy I would be to finish among these runners, that if my knee could hold up and I could finish with this group that would be a great win for the day. 

The grassy road was a good time, I kind of like it, the sun was coming up and the running felt good. The knee wasn't really unhappy which was probably the best part. At one point I was talking to Robbie and Jen and I just thought if this could just hold up all day I will be thrilled! 

At aid two we got to see friendly faces and I got some water to mix tailwind with but other wise ran on. Robbie joked that I raced through the aid station but really I just wanted to spend the bulk of my aid station time used at Cornelius Creek because I knew what to expect. I got water here and up the hike in the WOR loop I mixed bottle two of Tailwind. At this point Scott and Sophie had run on, they were climbing much better on this loop and I settled in with Robbie and Jen who seemed to be going a pace I liked much better. 

Through this climb on the WOR loop and the gravel road I enjoyed talking with Robbie and Jen, we talked about protein and recovery and training. I feel like they gave me great insight to managing recovery and I loved feeling like there was still so much I could learn and that they were open to sharing their approaches. It felt like a regular old training run and I was happy about this. 

However, I will admit coming into Sunset Fields I looked at my watch and I was about 20 minutes behind where I usually come in at Sunset the first time and I immediately played the what if game. I ran on through the aid station not even stopping to say hello to Marc ;) because I was over thinking the time it took to get here. But on the next section, which isn't usually my forte, I reminded myself of the days goals and realized it was actually a really good day. I was enjoying the company, I felt good and I could still turn it up a little at Colon Hollow if I wanted to, because they say, the race begins there.

Robbie caught back up and we talked about how this was our furthest running together in a race, he reminded me of a masochist we were both semi-injured at and that we ran until our injuries, not made for each other, separated us on the hills. We caught up with some runners that were hard to pass so I actually took a walk break down hill. My knee, that did great overall, least liked this section of the whole day so I figured a walk break to distance me from the runners ahead would be a great break for it. The creek sections arrived and Robbie and I ran through them only to have a bunch of debris collect in our shoes so we stopped to take our shoes off and shake them out. It didn't work well but again the knee appreciated the break. 

I had a few runners pass through this section and I figured I was losing time to run 7 hours and that should I plan to run Promise Land again it's this terrain that I need the most work on to improve my time at Promise Land. We came into Cornelius at 9:06 am, it was just a little later than I expected. I was so happy to see so many friends and family. Ivy had my little bag of goodies and Ellie was excited I had finally arrived but not truly appreciating I don't think that I was leaving quickly. I did stop here the longest of the whole day. I stood still long enough to drink half a bottle of cherry coke and eat a delicious pancake. While I was there Jen ran in so she, Robbie and I took off down the gravel road together.

Josh Gilbert was there on his bike, he asked about the knee and gave us a little update about the runners ahead before turning back. At this point in the day it was really beginning to warm up and you can feel it on the road because it's pretty bare. I was happy when we reached the trail section a few miles later because this road section isn't much fun.

It was along this next section that I was actually feeling really good, I think Robbie's company and the descent to Cornelius being done helped, I know that the knee feeling ok definitely helped. We got to Blake's aid station and it was great to see more friends. Blake teased that Scott had joked to lure me in as long as possible here, it's like Blake knows me better than anyone, it was the perfect fuel I needed. That and the amazing Powerade popsicle Mike gave me. It was like some kind of wonder drug! Between the ice pop and the news that Scott was about 5 minutes up I got to work, we had after all made it to the race start at Colon Hollow. 

Along this section I got to talk to Keith and ask him for insight to racing Western, he commented that I probably already knew it, but I wanted what he could offer anyways. I feel like there's always a chance someone has some piece of advice that will pay back in dividends. I thought about Bailey a lot through here, I wondered how she was doing and joked with a few runners that I couldn't let her catch me on the climb because the climbs better than I do.

I tried to move along thinking about Scott up ahead and Bailey. Just past the gravel road section on the Colon Hollow side I saw Scott up ahead. I wanted to catch up with him and make a joke about Blake telling me a long story but he saw me before I could. He told me he knew I liked a good hunt. It's true too. After I caught up with Scott I noticed we all (Robbie, Scott and I) weren't being very chatty. It was now really becoming more work with the heat and the miles both going up. I noticed through here that I was not really sweating anymore, I wasn't drinking enough. I decided at Cornelius to switch from Tailwind to water, hopefully ice water. Overall, I never stopped to use the restroom and the stopping sweating were all signs that I did not hydrate adequately, I'll definitely need to work on this. A little dehydration can become a much bigger problem over a longer race. 

At the deep creek before Cornelius we all paused briefly to take in the cold, refreshing water. It felt amazing. I got to see two of my sons at the turn as well as about 15 people headed out for the climb up to Sunset. Coming into Cornelius the second time I felt pretty good. It was 10:40. I thought that was just enough time to finish under 7 with no mistakes. I figured an hour up and 50 minutes to finish. I got ice water and my bag of peanut butter pretzels and said good-bye to my friends at the aid station. 

Robbie was with me leaving but I noticed Scott stayed back, at this point I was mentally ready to take the climb on! And for a bit I did. I ate, I drank the cold water and I made a vow to run when my heart and legs said I could. Robbie and I caught and passed a runner near the bottom but then more and more as we progressed up the climb. For about two thirds of the climb I hit it really focused. Then I came upon a couple Tech students and got to chatting. They were super friendly and chatty and I know in hindsight I shifted from focusing on climbing well to making friends. But I'm good with that because it took it back to a training run focus for me for the most part. 

I got to Sunset and it was definitely warm and sunny. Mike Dunlop put ice water on my neck and ice in my bottle, Marc got me more water and I had a cup of mountain dew. I was both ready to get done but not really feeling like pushing for 7 hours. Crossing the parkway I saw I had 45 minutes to do 7 hours. My new friend Travis was with me and I told him it would be close. He hadn't run Promise Land before and I told him he could go around but instead we got to talking more about ultras and sharing backgrounds. It was fun and made those two trail miles from Sunset to Overstreet Falls pass quickly as Robbie had fallen behind on the falls climb. 

When we got to the gravel road I looked at my watch, I had less than 20 minutes to break 7 hours, I told Travis I couldn't make it in 7 hours but I told myself that I would still go for it. After running pretty "easy" all day I had enough left to push those last few miles but both my knees thought it was dumb. I decided either way my quads would make me rest first of the new week anyways, so I kept pushing. My heart rate got up, my quads and knees were angry but I honestly kind of loved it. I was thankful for those last few miles. I knew the whole time I wasn't going to hit 7 hours but there was something about trying anyways, just in case. 

I finished in 7:02. It was a good day. I don't know that it could have been much better. I think it was good to have a good day. I can tell there are areas I need to work on over the next few weeks. It gave me confidence in a few things, and most importantly the whole experience reminded me of my love for trail running and the community. 

Bailey finished her first mountain ultra as well, but I'll leave her to tell about that. 

Also, Skittles gummies > Swedish fish > gummy bears. Case you were wondering. 

-AT

 

Hellgate #8 2021

 Hellgate 100k

December 11, 2021

Fincastle, Virginia

I wasn't going to run Hellgate. That's the important thing you have to remember. After a near abysmal (self defined of course) race in 2020 I vowed fervently (for at least three days) to go into 2021 with only Hellgate on my mind. The year started out well enough and I was just catching my stride when I was sidelined with a nagging and debilitating IT issue that haunted me from March to June. The year wasn't shaping up as I had planned. Then a non running related injury took me out of running from August 2-September 26th (but who's keeping count). When the Hellgate application became available just after my two month hiatus from running I didn't even plan to apply any longer. 

Several well meaning friends asked if I was going to run Hellgate but it just didn't seem smart. It was more than that, I was still anxious about running after 8 solid weeks off and I knew that in order to run Hellgate I would need to pile on the training, hard and quickly, two things I didn't want to do or feel ready to do. I did print and fill out an application, including the what qualified me for running part. It was on this paper that the fact that I hadn't run an ultra since last year's Hellgate became truly clear to me. I recycled my application and planned to not apply. 

I went so far in my plan to not apply for Hellgate that I registered for another ultra, the same day as Hellgate. I registered for the Freight Train 50k. I would get to sleep Friday night, only run a 50k and see that 2021 had at least one ultra in it for me. Win, win, win. 

Yet, it was still there, the nagging of Hellgate. As much as I didn't want to go run Hellgate and have another sucky day I didn't want to miss another sucky day at Hellgate. Friends, many of whom were now registered and in for Hellgate, asked about my intentions. Several seemed surprised and questioned if I would really skip Hellgate. I could probably write a whole post about all of my friends who asked me about Hellgate and how each of these conversations pulled and played with my mental struggle over whether or not to apply. 

It should have been decided, I mean it was already, wasn't it? I was registered for another race that day already. Then on a Wednesday evening run some well meaning friends were making light fun of the fact I hadn't applied when the conversation got a little more serious. I explained that I want to run Hellgate, that I want ten Hellgate finishes or more but I want to run Hellgate well when one of my friends (Andy here's looking at you) said something like: Well here's the thing, in another decade or so when you look back will you be happy you sat this Hellgate out because it wasn't going to be one of your best or will you regret that you skipped it because it was going to be a slow finish? 

Damn you, Andy.

That night I came home and was reading Tolkien to the baby, when I came across this sentence on Bilbo's time at the Last Homely House; Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about but not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating and even gruesome, may make a good tale and take a deal of telling anyway. 

In 24 hours time this question  and this quote would see me withdraw from a 50k, ask Horton's special permission to be accepted and finally, officially, entered into Hellgate. Because who doesn't want to be part of a good tale. The craziest part? My sheer happiness when Horton said I could. It was like this incredible weight lifted, the 'real' decision made, the right one, the only one perhaps, I was going to run and walk and suffer beautifully my way to another Hellgate finish. In other words, I don't think I have ever been so excited to run Hellgate. Even though Hellgate is my favorite. There's just always so much fear involved around it for me. 

So now with even less time to train, I finally got my head in focus and I started to train. But it had to be smart, I was coming from a couple weeks in the 15-20 range, so I figured max 50 and that would even be risky. But I did get to work and I tried to be both smart and purposeful. Weather is going to suck that morning, it sure will be dark and cold, definitely need to go then. It's been probably over a year since I had that kind of mindset. 

There is probably one more piece, the you keep qualifying and ONE day the lottery is finally going to accept you and then you will really have a lot of work on your hands piece. So Hellgate is probably not really that bad an idea when you think of it this way, I mean you have to start somewhere, it would be a good place to gauge what really needs work before heading out on a Western States training block. 

So I was in for Hellgate, I gave it a good few weeks training from November to early December. But the long runs were rough, and very few, they suggested by their pace that I might not finish. I tried to focus not at all on a time or expectations, I tried to focus on other things, breaking down the pieces that scared me and finding fixes for those things and honestly, just not thinking about the ones that were too big. One day, a week or more ago, I started to think about the course, section by section, I had to literally tell myself to stop, it was just not helpful. It is a long ways and it feels ever longer when you don't feel ready. 

But in many ways, it was my best Hellgate season yet. I didn't feel particularly crazy or worried, I didn't expect great things, but I was hopeful. I put hope in myself, in my experiences. That I've been dealt hard days and so far I've managed to survive them for better or worse. And I would survive this too. The day I got into Hellgate I conned Scott Covey into crewing me along with Todd, who would also pace. Bailey, our oldest daughter, wanted to come along too. 

I'll skip ahead so we can get to the actual race this week. But in many a way I feel this race report is so much in the getting my head into Hellgate. This whole year I was focused on going back to Hellgate to be faster, but what if being better at Hellgate starts with not being fast so much as on the right path?

THE ACTUAL EVENT OF HELLGATE

Chelsie Viar and Sheryl Mawn rode over to the start line with us at 10:45. I would like to think, if interviewed, that Sheryl would say I was my least crazy ever, but I can at least say with certainty she would say I did start the race off with a donut. We took some photos and walked over to the start line. I mostly remember that I was uncertain about my choice of top and how heavy my pack felt, weighed down with all the possible solutions to the problems I had imagined leading up the race. After the anthem and a prayer we were off, at 12:01.

The first four miles, save for one or two small climbs, are pretty runnable at Hellgate. There's a bit of water by way of puddles especially if it has rained that day, and there are some rather unhappy dogs about mile 2. Other than that, not much to say. I took it easier here than last year and I felt pretty good.

I got to aid one and started walking, I didn't know anyone around me so I decided I wanted the company of my playlist going up Petits. My friends helped me build this playlist and I was genuinely excited to be out running and listening to it. Scott had given me some awesome wireless headphones and I brought my phone, on airplane mode, to hold the over 6 hours of music I had planned. The first few songs on the list were previous "Hellgate" songs, songs that I felt saved or carried me through previous hellgate races. They were a great little pick me up and I ran more of Petits road than I feel like I usually do. I felt I got to Petits, aid station 2, in a good place both mentally and in the race. It was 1:32 according to crew notes. 

Todd had made me, though I didn't want to have expectations of myself, write times down for when to expect me at aid stations, My goal to Petits was 1:40 so I was pleased, which was so much better than last year when I felt like I was racing previous splits and just failing all day long. 

I left Petits and was in a good mood, this next section is on somewhat technical trail and it is one of if not the hardest sections of the entire Hellgate course for me. it also began to rain through here, but thankfully the air temps made it so it wasn't too bad. I had been listening to music and got on Goff Mountain Road at 2:13. I started talking to Crystal Molner who ran Worlds End the same year I did and Martha Nelson. It was fun to have the company and we walked every step to Camping Gap. I usually try to run some but it felt good to just hike consistently. A few times really warm winds blew through which were unique and I felt, a time or two, that I was dressed too warmly. We made good time, and got to Camping Gap at 3:03, at this point I was feeling pretty good as I was making decent time based on previous years. 

It was STUPID windy at Camping Gap aid station. Michael Newhall was there getting on his Houdini but it was so bad here that I grabbed a few quesadilla pieces and some mountain dew and got out of there fast. I was concerned this was just the beginning of the wind, that it would be worse on the grassy road, but thankfully it was not. 

I walked a bit of the road to the grassy road, more than usual, but I felt I was being smart for my training. The grassy road, which is a somewhat long and tedious section, saw the quick fatiguing of my legs. At not even 4 am my legs were aching and just feeling done. Based on the limited training I understood them, I just kept working and refused to even think about how many miles were left. Just the next aid station. 

I saw Bethany Williams at the end of the grassy road, we train a bit together and I was surprised to see her. We both lamented that we were feeling a little tired. We ran some together but didn't do much talking. The next section, from the grassy road to Overstreet falls is my second least favorite section, note to self for future Hellgates, learn how to descend on technical trails! 

I mostly hiked up from Overstreet to aid station 4 at Floyd's/Headforemost. I was urged on by the excitement to see my crew, getting over the hardest third of the race and getting some pain meds, my legs were killing me. 

At the aid station I looked at my watch, the first time in hours, it was 5:20, exactly when I planned to be here yet I felt out of it, not tired really but a little overwhelmed, there's a bit of activity that goes on at this station and after being alone in the dark fog for so long it kind of derailed me on what I needed/wanted. I needed a new shirt so I went over to the van. I got pain meds and drank and ate a bit. I changed batteries in the waistlamp (thank you, Michael) and added a headlamp so I could descend better to Jennings. 

Leaving Floyd's my legs were aching and my stomach wasn't happy. I walked a bit that first mile or so, I had taken my music out before the aid station and decided I needed to go back to my wonderful playlist. It worked. I picked up the pace a little and tried to make good time. My legs, thankfully, so so thankfully, responded to this dose of ibuprofen and gave me a little reprieve. I figured that the pain would come back so to use it while I had it. 

I felt I was moving well but it still seems downhill forever to get to Jennings. I was on one mission the entire race and it was to get to Jennings in a good mood! Boy did that forever downhill (not my specialty) try and take that from me, but I would not let it! My waistlamp died about three miles into this section so I only had the headlamp which I think if I had both would have helped pick up the pace even more. Even so I got to Jennings ahead of my plan (6:36) and in a good mood.

I dropped the waistlamp and changed into a t-shirt here and Sam gave me some French toast sticks. I had some coke and cleared a little gear from the pack. I left with the first signs of daylight and probably should have just left my headlamp. I hiked a few minutes out on the uphill as my stomach was just overall not in a great place for most of the day and not at all happy after eating. But within a mile or so I started adding more running. 

The music helped a TON. I didn't have a lot of company though I saw Crystal and I think a female named Amy a bit on and off through here. Amy was very motivating, I would try and run when she did, just to break up the hiking. And the more I ran the more I felt I could keep running. After you go up a ways you turn on a trail where you go down and over to a road that you descend on (unhappy legs) to a trail. This trail, this short, beautiful trail is the highlight of Hellgate, if only it were longer. It's downhill but like butter I think they say. I do like butter. 

I got over to the road where Todd and crew were in the van. But I wouldn't even let them take my headlamp, though I was happy to see their faces. Todd said Jordan was four minutes up, I needed to go get him. I made the turn to Little Cove and tried to focus on catching Jordan to have some company. My legs were feeling oh so tired, my stomach oh so unhappy but I didn't let them effect me, I just worked on getting to the next aid station. 

It wasn't until I got to Little Cove that I saw Jordan who was with his buddy he calls Zipper. I was happy to have a little coke and some french toast and some friends to leave the aid station with. I looked at my watch for the time of day but it had died. My phone said 8:20, I hoped to get to Bearwallow in about two hours. 

The first half of this next section, which is about 8 miles, is awesome. It's a great grade for running. Then about halfway in the trail gets a little less and a little less friendly before taking you to a trail referred to as the "Devil's trail". It's not a terrible trail, it just isn't really much fun either. I was with Jordan until here, I just can never make the right hops, and the frustration leaves me mostly walking through here. My legs were aching again and my stomach was starting to growl. I had been running and chatting with Ryan who was going for Hellgate number 10! but near the end of this section I found myself alone and having the size of what was still looming up ahead (nearly 20 miles) starting to get to me. My legs just felt DONE. Thankfully I had crew and a pacer at Bearwallow. 

At Bearwallow, 10:22, I drank a whole 20 oz cherry coke and ate some beloved Panera mac and cheese. I took my time while my crew filled up my vest and emptied most of the unnecessary gear out of my pack. I got to chat with Wade and I felt in decent spirits just getting to see my friends but my legs were just so unhappy. Nothing specific just all over. I took more ibuprofen and hoped it would work it's magic again. 

Todd and I set off together out of Bearwallow. My stomach was unhappy with eating and drinking so much so quickly so we used the first climb to let my stomach settle. It does settle into a run after a time though and I ran whenever the grade made it possible. Nearer the end of the trail section from Bearwallow to Bobblets it gets a little more uphill before dumping you on to a service road. Here we found Jordan again. We ran with him to the aid station under the parkway at Bobblets. Scott came down a little from the aid station and hiked in with us too. Sam had all the wonderful fixings you expect and all the friends you wish you could just stay and hang out with, for they seemed to be having a right jolly old time as we went through. But instead I got a little coke and some pierogis and sent off on our way.

I really didn't want to doddle but my legs were feeling increasingly done. Despite this, I feel we ran harder than I would have run alone on the downhill to the forever section. But once on the forever section my body gave me more and more signs that it was done. I knew by this point that I could fairly certainly run a 15:30 as I had started to play with the math. I was not unhappy with this. But I was also being passed a lot as my legs gave further and further out. I imagine about ten or more runners passed me here including Marth Nelson and Bethany Williams. 

About this time my right leg started to cramp and I got really worried, as cramping is usually a hot race issue I have when I'm overexerting. Hellgate was warm but not hot and I hadn't felt I was overworking, just undertrained. However, coming into Day Creek I kicked a rock and my right leg cramped into a tense position, I tossed my bottle and some choice words. I was in the home stretch, but at Hellgate that home stretch is nearly a 10k. 

I wasn't in a great mood right then. I knew I had 15:30 or better nearly guaranteed if I didn't cramp up worse and yet I also knew that I was running to my slowest finish time. It's hard to push, with cramps, to your worst time. Bailey came with us, she ran the last section last year with me at Hellgate and wanted to come again. She chatted a bit which was nice as a distraction but everything was hurting.  A woman passed me, another was coming. But despite all of this, I didn't give up, I hiked with purpose, I drank some cherry coke I had put in my pack and I did not think about the downhill 5k I had next to run. 

When we got to the parkway the last thing I wanted was to run. I usually always find a little something for this last section. This year I don't feel like I found it. Todd says I ran well, I know we didn't walk, but the cramping had me nervous and the aching in my legs was unrelenting despite a third dose of pain meds at Day Creek. I pretty much just remember my bad toe aching, knowing it was blistered and trying to run in the clearest path through rocks. Then once the rocks thinned, focusing on the gate, where it the gate. Once we made it to the gate it was the mile to go sign. The familiar signs of coming home. 

I finished in 15:16, my eighth Hellgate, my now slowest time. But I finished with a wealth of knowledge about myself and no regrets for starting. 

It wasn't my best day and it wasn't my worst. I'm not even sure it's a very good tale, except that I'm sure that it's part of a larger one, that hopefully is. 

-Alexis

Guest Report: My First Big Race

 

        Hi. My name is Bailey Thomas. I am 13 years old and in eighth grade. I live in Evington, VA with my Mom, my Dad, my baby sister Ellie, and my (slightly) annoying brothers Cooper (my twin), Sean and Brodie. I just recently got into running and I'm here to share with you the very memorable story of my First Big Race. Parts of it were kind of a let down but I assure you that it made for an adventure that will definitely make a lasting impression.

        My parents are Todd and Alexis Thomas. If you are an ultra runner you probably know who they are. My Dad has run two 200 mile races and my Mom ran Laurel Highlands, a 70 mile race in Pennsylvania, when my sister Ellie was just two months old! So my parents are basically legends. They were the ones who convinced me to start running. I used to run a little but when quarantine rolled around I started running a lot more. What else was I supposed to do with my time? My brothers Cooper and Sean also got into running about the same time, though Cooper had already run a 25k at that point. My Dad encouraged us to train for the Iron Mountain 25k last year. Both my brothers wanted to do it in three hours but I wasn't as confident in myself and thought I could do it in 3 1/2 hours. We had been training for a few weeks and I had already managed to scar both my knees. I am clumsy when it comes to running, I have scars on both my knees, one on my wrist, and two on my head, though the ones on my head aren't from running. However, all our plans got foiled when Iron Mountain  got cancelled. Both me and my brothers stopped training and got out of the habit of running.

        My parents always run on Wednesdays. They have a whole group of people they go with and they all go to Candlers Mountain on the Liberty University campus. I went while I was training for Iron Mountain and when the days started getting shorter I started going again. This was because they run in the evenings and in the winter, when it's dark the whole time they always run the same route so my parents knew I would be okay if I was by myself. But I ran with my Dad and wasn't really ever by myself anyway. 

        Anyway the week before Christmas on a Wednesday evening my Dad asked me if I wanted to run the 25k at Holiday Lake and I said I would. So when we got home that evening (after going to La Carreta like we do every Wednesday) my Dad and I made a training plan for myself and him. I was going to run Holiday Lake 25k and he was going to run Highland Sky. We invited my brother Sean to join us and he agreed. Cooper wasn't able too, due to an ingrown toenail that prevented him from running. Our training plan had us running three times a week. We had Tempo Tuesday, the 6 mile Wednesday run, and a long run that was either Saturday or Sunday. We averaged about 20 mile weeks with highs of 25 and lows of 18. Sean dropped out in the first week due to weather (he doesn't like the cold) which left me the last Thomas kid standing.  For the second week we were at the beach. (In December. Crazy, I know) We didn't have enough time for long runs so we ran a run between 2 and 5 miles every. Single. Day. I was going to bed after eleven and waking up around 7:30. Not a lot of sleep for a vacation. Sometimes I would be up for hours before my brothers and cousins woke up. 

        After about 8 weeks of running it was the week before the race and I started tapering. I knew it was going to be cold but I was excited. A lot of my parents friends were running and I was going to be the second youngest runner out of 360. There was one 11 year old boy running, but I didn't mind. He would be good competition. I even requested for him to be in the same wave. My Mom and her friends Chelsie Viar and Wade Stout were running an aid station. I would see her at mile 4 and 50k runners would see her at miles 4 and 20. She was getting nervous about the weather, it was going to be freezing, raining and snowing all day. My original goal had been 3 hours but with the weather I wasn't sure I could do it. However I still wanted to run and I was still excited. We went to my aunt and uncle's house on Friday, the night before the race. My Mom wasn't going to let Sean and Brodie and the baby come and since Cooper wouldn't stay back with them she asked my cousin Ivy to watch them. She said sure. That meant Ivy and her mom Sue were both coming, Ivy to watch the kids and Sue to come help at the aid station. I found out later that my parents were considering not letting me run but their friend Michael Newhall, who ran the course that evening, convinced my parents to let me run. (Thanks Michael)

        That evening when we got home I packed up all my stuff set an alarm for 4:20, as we had to leave at 5 and I like to be able to hit snooze. I went to sleep and when my alarm went off I kept hitting snooze until I heard Sue and Ivy arrive, then I knew I had to get up. So I woke up and grabbed my bag and what I thought was everything on the floor beside me, though I realized later I forgot my buff. I went downstairs, grabbed some Biscoff cookies, or as I call them airplane cookies, as the first time I had them was on a plane. I then filled up my water bottle and my travel cup with coffee, something I started drinking the year I started eighth grade, though I still drink it heavy on the creamer. The weather had been pretty bad the night before and my dad had to help both Sue and myself across the icy driveway. After that me, my parents, Sue and Cooper all squeezed into my Dad's two row truck, the only vehicle my Mom felt comfortable taking in the road conditions. We were driving down the road, Cooper probably trying to sleep, My parents having a worried conversation about the weather in the front row, and myself giving my Aunt Sue a detailed description of Cobra Kai, the world's best TV show. We were doing these things when my Mom got a text message from Rhonda Sprouse, a fellow runner. She was stuck on the main road getting into the Holiday Lake State Park! My Mom was worried but my Dad said we had to keep going, to get aid to the runners. We reached the main road but it was still so blocked up that we kept driving to a shortcut my Mom remembered. We were driving up a hill and I was on Season 2 of Cobra Kai when all of a sudden we started sliding back down the hill. The whole road was covered in a sheet of ice! My Dad shooed us all out of the car (and later made fun of how long it took Sue to get out). 

        My dad kept trying to get up the hill and the rest of us just kind of stood at the side of the road and watched. All of a sudden a woman came down the hill from where her car had crashed in the trees after she had made it just a little bit higher up the hill and then lost control of her car. She came down the hill and told us that she was in the first wave of the 50k, which started at 6:30. Looking at my watch I could tell that it was too late for her to make it to the start on time, which made me nervous because that meant I had just a little over an hour to make it to the start or I would miss the race too.
      
        After a couple minutes other people started showing up on this hill too, probably because the main road was blocked. By the time they got there my Dad had turned his truck with a trailer attached to it sideways, to prevent it from slipping down on the ice. Luckily that meant nobody could come up the hill and get stuck like we did. A lot of the people when they saw that this road was blocked too just turned and went back. But some of them, namely the ones who knew us and were helping at our aid station, stopped to try to help get us unstuck. They decided that they had to get the trailer off the truck. It was while I was standing by the side of the hill watching them attempt this that my Mom told me I wasn't going to be allowed to run. I was pretty frustrated but I understood that the conditions were dangerous and that they didn't want me to go out there alone. 
        
        While I was standing by the side of the road digesting this information another friend of ours showed up. Nate Sherwin. Now by this time my Dad and some other guys had managed to get the truck to one side of the road and the trailer to the other. This is important because when everyone let Nate get by he actually managed to make it pretty far up the hill. This was exciting to everyone because that meant that if we hooked the trailer to Nate's truck then he could probably make it to the aid station! All was not lost! So Nate went a little bit further down the hill and while some people shoveled dirt under his tires so he wouldn't slip and others hooked up the trailer to his truck. At this point my Dad told us that some of us needed to get in the truck too, so that we could go with Nate to help the aid station get set up. That included me, since I was part of the aid station crew now. Yay.(I do enjoy helping at aid stations and have been doing it since I was a little kid).

        Me, Mom, Sue and Cooper all climbed into the back row of Nate's truck where we realized that his daughter Reese was there too. Although it was slow going we managed to make it to the top of the hill. After that we drove along a road that butted up right next to the course. So as we drove we saw almost every 50k runner who started go through our aid station without us there.

        So as soon as we got there we knew we had to get ready fast. So even though Nate and Reese were supposed to be helping our friend Blake at aid 3 we convinced them to stick around for a little while and help us set up. While we were there somebody told us that the people who were supposed to be at aid 2 couldn't make it and so all that was there was water. So now we had to slow these runners down and let them know that there might not be anybody there at aid 2 so if they needed anything they had better stop here. But so many runners don't need anything at aid 1 and just kept on running. So we didn't have time to stop them before they went through. 

        Before long we were out of 50k runners on their first loop. We had a little while before the 25k runners showed up. During this time my Dad, Steve Higgins, Scott Judy, his daughter, Chelsie and Frankie Viar, Wade Stout, and other aid 1 helpers showed up. We also used this time to reorganize the aid station. (Mom was pretty sure that the direction the canopies were facing was causing runners to try to go the wrong way). 

        At this point I was tired and grumpy and asking myself why I woke up before 5 if I wasn't even going to run the race! Things got worse for me emotionally when the 25k runners started showing up. I knew that it wasn't mine or anybody else's fault I wasn't out there but I couldn't shake the feeling that I had somehow failed. It was the low of the day for me when the 11 year-old boy showed up. He was in my wave and I wanted to know if I would have outrun him or not. But instead I tried to hide. I figured if I had known he was running, he would have known I was running. I knew there was no way that he could have known I was the 13 year-old no-show, It seemed like a much bigger possibility in my head. So I put my hood on, ducked my head down and tried to look older. Which is hard when you're less than five feet tall. (By a fraction of an inch. I'm not that short).  

        Now I'll admit it but after that kid left I was extremely jealous. I was not mad at my parents but I believe my Mom thought I was. I went and cried for a while. I was definitely not taking this as well as that woman by the side of the road was. But after I got the tears out of my system I was ready to be a productive part of the team. 

        But it was too cold for that and I stood by the fire. I would've brought warmer clothes but my clothes were for after the run and I'd expected it to have warmed up by then. 

        Around 11 my Mom got a text from my cousin Ivy, who was home with my younger siblings. The power was out at our house. Later I realized that tons of people lost power but at the time I was thinking, as I'm sure you understand, "why is the universe out to get me?" Valid question.

        Because of the weather Brenton had been letting people start whenever they managed to get there. That meant people were starting up to two hours late and so that meant we had to stick around for two extra hours for all the runners to come through. But once they did the roads had luckily cleared up and my Dad had managed to get the truck to the aid station. So we moved the trailer from Nate's truck back to my Dad's. Then we all loaded back in and I continued to tell Aunt Sue all about the wonderful world of Cobra Kai. (you should watch it). When we got back to the house our power was still out. So we made plans to meet Sue, Ivy and my Uncle Sylvan for dinner at a Mexican place. Sue and Ivy left and my parents were left to trying to figure out why I was sitting around looking utterly depressed. After I told them they told me that we would just go out and run a loop in a few weeks when the weather was better. Re-moralized I went to get ready to go.

    `    We were driving in the car and we got a call from Sylvan that the restaurant we were going to go to was closed due to weather. So we went to Olive Garden instead. I can't say I was unhappy with this newest development. I like my Mom's homemade Mexican but I dislike most Mexican restaurants. I have grown to accept La Carreta but only because my family goes at least once a week. So I was personally fine with Olive Garden. I can't say my brothers were of the same opinion. 

        We went to Olive Garden and our group was big enough that we got this area that was basically it's own room. Because my parents probably felt bad for me and also because it was free my parents let me get a Coke. Just thought I'd mention it.

        After dinner we went to Sue's house because no matter how many times my brother Sean asked we still didn't have power. The next movie we were supposed to watch for Movie Night was Die Hard II. However when we went into the basement my cousin Ivy said "My Mom says we're not watching Die Hard tonight." She was very surprised when the adults came downstairs and turned on Die Hard II. (She would like to be known as an adult too, as she is 20). 

        Even though I hadn't run and it was before 7 P.M. I had still woken up really early and I was exhausted. So despite the action packed movie I still fell asleep. I woke up less than a half hour later and managed to stay awake for the rest of the movie. After John McClane blew up an entire plane full of bad guys and won we all kind of stopped watching and it was basically over, though Die Hard III automatically started. Sean asked about 2 billion more times if we had power yet. We didn't. Luckily for me I was about to get a piece of very good news. 

        We had turned off the TV and were heading upstairs when Mom got a text from the race director;

    

    "Please let Bailey know that she has until next Sunday to finish the race."

         As you can imagine I was very excited and we started looking at the weather and seeing which day had the best weather so we could decide when I could run. 

            Despite how many times Sean asked Mom and Dad said the power was still out when we got home close to 10 P.M. Knowing there wasn't much I could do in the dark I read for a little while and then went to bed. I was able to sleep much better than I'd hoped knowing I still had the promise of a Holiday Lake 2021 finish. 

        The next morning when I woke up my Dad was just about to plug in a generator a friend had given us to power the fridge when the power came back all on its own. We were all very happy for this, as we were having people over for dinner that night. 

        Later that day we decided that looking at the weather and my non-demanding schedule, my Mom and I could go run my loop Tuesday morning, provided Ivy watched the boys again. She agreed.

        When I went to bed on Monday night my parents told me not to set an alarm. Normally I wake up at 6:30 A.M. on schooldays. (I like to have all my school done by 10:30). But with no alarm set I slept in to almost 9. Ivy was already there and my Mom made pancakes. At about 9:20 we pulled out of the driveway, and I brought school stuff in the car though I didn't do as much as normal. That's okay because normal has me two or three weeks ahead of my twin brother.

        We got to the camp a little after 10. I was nervous but excited. I was ready. The conditions were better and I was ready to go out there and break 3 hours. It was gonna be a 10:17 pace but my Mom said I could do it. And I believed her. We went over to where the start normally is and my Mom wanted to get a video of me starting.

        And this is where the real race reporting begins.

        When Mom told me to go I took off, ready to run a 3 hour pace. I could tell almost immediately that I was going up the hill too fast but I didn't want to say that to her. I thought slowing down there would be accepting defeat. We kept running at this pace and eventually I settled into it and was fine. We turned onto the trail and I was struck by something almost immediately.

        There was going to be a lot of mud. 

        About two miles in we passed the first of what I'll call new creek crossings. I had been out here a little over two weeks ago and I did not remember this. When we finished our first mile at a 10:41 I was disappointed. I knew that meant due to the conditions I wouldn't get my goal. But my Mom helped convince me not to give up and that it was all in the adventure. I wanted to believe her, and I did. But that didn't stop me from telling her that I felt slow. She said we could do it in 3:15. I nodded along but in my head I believed that all I had in me was 3:30. That stupid extra mile!

        Going up the hill into aid 1 we were confronted by a very surprising problem. In my memory that hill had been a fairly dry section but to my surprise there was a freaking river running straight through the trail! There was one part where we had to walk through a twenty foot, freezing cold, six inch deep puddle! We made it through and climbed the hill into aid 1. 

        When we reached aid 1 we kept right on moving, myself being disappointed that there was no actual aid station. My Mom said that the miles between aids 1 and 2 were pretty fast and this was where she started pulling away from me for the first time. Looking back on it I think I had a good time running through that section but at the time I was having a discussion in my head about whether or not I was this slow because I had tapered too long. I had been tapering for 9 days and I don't think that's too long. I think I was looking for an excuse to be slow. 

        We reached what was supposed to be the first creek crossing but was the third or fourth of the day. However the two that were always there were HUGE. Last time I had been able to jump the first one. As soon as I saw that I knew it wasn't a possibility. I waded through it and my feet were so cold. But it had been so muddy that day I think there was where I gave up on keeping my feet dry. We ran and the distance between those two creek crossings is terrible. It's just long enough that your feet finally start drying off and then bamm! You see the next creek crossing! When we got there it was really big. It was so high that it came up to my knees and it was moving so fast that my Mom has a video where I almost fell down wading through there. When we got out of there my feet were so cold I got that feeling in my feet like pins and needles except it was just because of how cold I was.

        After that we ran pretty steady to aid 2, though there was a spot or two where I had to walk and at one point my Mom's Garmin was acting funny. We got to the aid station, again not really and aid station because no one was there. She was messing with her watch and we went of down the road that was usually a pretty fast mile. I glanced down at my watch and saw that my time was 1:34 I was pretty happy. Even though it wasn't exactly halfway I still thought it was pretty close to my goal time. All was not lost!

        We got to the bottom of the hill and turned onto the section after it. It was fairly muddy and it had some of the most not-yet-melted snow I saw on the course. The thing about that section is it has a lot of ups and downs and on one of the downs we found what I counted as the 5th creek crossing on the course. Running up the hill after that towards powerline I thought about how much mud had been out there. I felt way more tired than I had expected to and it was taking a lot of strength to keep pushing through.

        As we started on powerline I was starting to come more to terms with that days run. I knew that these weren't really conditions I had trained for and that all that mattered was that I do my best and push through to the end. I thought I was moving steady and I was just doing my best to keep my mind occupied. But then my Mom said something that changed it all for me. "We've slipped a little bit in time." 

        Something I inherited from my mother is that I am very emotional about my running. If it's a good day its a very good day and if its a bad day its a VERY bad day. When I heard that our pace was slipping I did the very thing that you should try not to do when you hear that. I let our pace slip even more. I started to fall behind and my throat closed up and I tried really hard not to let the tears fall out of my eyes. I had to remind myself that for me running is like 75% mental and if I really want to keep going I can do better. Sounds cheesy but it usually works. So we ran down powerline, past the IT balloon and the forgotten Valentines bear. We came off powerline at about 10 miles. I had about 7 miles left and 1:40 to hit 3:20. I though I could do it.

        I got my Mom to distract me by telling me a story. In her usually motherly fashion she told me a story about a time she did poorly in the first half but came back strong and passed my Dad, Blake, and Grattan getting a pretty good time. She used this story to encourage me and push me straight through aid 3. But after we went through there I was slowly losing more and more speed. I was getting further behind then ever. And I was questioning my life choices. And, in an effort to prove I'm just as totally insane as my parents, I was having a lot of fun. Weird, right?

        The closer we got to the big bridge the muddier things became. I was running what I thought was as hard as I could and I was steadily getting further from my goal. We reached the beginning of the Lake Loop section and I was just doing my best to have fun. I had been drinking well but I hadn't been eating and my stomach literally started growling. I ignored it for a while but once we got past the BRTR bridge it grew to persistent and I stopped to eat a Biscoff cookie.(The most awesomest snack ever). I fell behind to where my Mom was up ahead in a little cove and we couldn't see each other. I wasn't worried but I knew she would be so I tried to catch up before she noticed.

        It didn't work and soon I saw her walking ahead waiting for me up ahead. I caught up with her and let her know that I had fallen behind to eat. She said that was fine and I should have been eating more anyway. From there we ran/walked through all the little coves around the lake. We came out at the end and started looking around for the directions to the extra mile and we couldn't find anything. Eventually we found a sign for it.

        In the trash. 

        Pointing into a brick wall. 

        So we decided it might not be the best idea to follow that sign. My Mom said I should be okay because I do have what's technically a 25k distance. So she got a video of me running through the finish line. And then we got pizza and went home.

        I was very glad that I got a chance to get a finish at all and even though it kind of seemed like the world was out to get me for most of it, it was definitely an adventure and I had a lot of fun. I guess I finally proved I'm just as crazy as my parents! Me and my Dad are planning my next race and maybe soon this won't be my only race report!

        -Bailey

2020 Hellgate 100k Race Report

 Saturday, December 12, 2020

Buchanan, Virginia

Hellgate 100k (plus a little extra)

In the hours since Hellgate I've both sworn off Hellgate forever and thought about next years race an equally proportionate amount of time. In the past several years my blog posting has dwindled to almost nothing, and yet, just now, this report seems to want to write itself, so we will see where it takes us. I do know this, in the days leading up to this past weekends race I read and re-read many a past Hellgate race report and I found that the hard fought days are just as if not more important to remember as the easier, better days. Should I find myself registered again to run this special race, this report will likely do my future self well. 

Little backstory to this years event, as it may prove prudent. In 2017, I ran my best Hellgate race, I PR'd by 17 minutes, I realized that perhaps Hellgate is my favorite race and I set forth on my one single solitary goal which was to run Hellgate ten CONSECUTIVE times as fast as I possibly could. In the summer of 2018 with my summer races all but behind me, I made a strong training plan for the fall with only Hellgate on my mind. Then...an unplanned interruption occurred, one with beautiful brown eyes and an instinct for wrecking my sleep, we call her Ellie but her name is Eleanor. 

Ten consecutive Hellgates would have to come later if ever, and I wasn't sure I even wanted to be a runner anymore. I ran Iron Mountain 30 in August of 2018 and was fairly sure after that I wouldn't run ultras again. But then curiosity got the better of me and I signed up, six months pregnant, to run Laurel Highlands 70 Miler at what would be maximum three months post partum depending on when Baby made her debut, to continue my ability to apply to the Western States Lotto (too proud to just take the deferal a pregnancy allowed me). But then just as quickly after registering for that race I stopped running at all, I didn't run a step again until April 1st of 2018. From that one mile run I trained what I could over the next two months before running the Laurel Highlands 70 Miler. That run was the hardest race I've ever run, it took a lot out of me and I spent the next four to five months not running. 

Finally, last year, after months of not running I was inspired to start again. Steve Higgins asked me to pace him at his first Hellgate (see how I said first). I was honored to say the least. I was feeling washed up, worn over, done. I didn't have the faith I could be any good to him even 40 miles in at Hellgate, but I was encouraged and didn't want to let him down. So, for Steve and Hellgate, I started to run again so that I might pace Steve in from Bearwallow.

That run jumpstarted me a little, I started to think about Western States and new ultras, I registered for and got into a couple of races including my would be qualifier for 2020 (still too proud or foolish for that deferal) World's End 100k just outside of Forksville in Pennsylvania,  Then, Covid. I think we all know enough that I don't have to say much about 2020, but all my races were cancelled or postponed, but the break from all other things gave me both the time and the motivation to run more than I had over the last year. Todd and the kids and I would go twice and sometimes three times in a week to run together and I started to join some of Steve's groups to get longer runs in on the mornings or weekends. I was starting to feel a little like a runner again. 

By the time Worlds End 100k started (September 26th) I was exhausted from training, but I got in a good block and a good taper and I had a great race. It was such a great race that there's no race report! To quote Vonnegut, the race could be summer up "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." Which is mostly true, except everything hurt and there was a lot of vomiting, but who wants to read about that? But I was just so thankful to have a race not be cancelled, to get to wear a bib and to get to race in a way I hadn't for a few years. It really was wonderful.

Post Worlds End I was floundering about whether or not to apply to Hellgate, on one hand World's End had gone better than I expected. But I had been exhausted from training and still felt I had so much more to go to get back to where I felt I once was. Todd encouraged me to register. He said I would regret it and that I knew was probably true. 

So I turned in my paper application, but then there were several more weeks where my body just needed to still take it easy after its 100k effort in September, this is one of the major drawbacks to my current fitness, how long recovery takes after these long races, and so it was middle of October before I was feeling up to running again. Then Thanksgiving and a cold knocked training further down and basically forced an early taper. During all of this time I was somewhat regretting my registration, feeling I wasn't ready or committed enough and secretly hoping as terrible a truth as it is, that this race would be cancelled.

But alas, Hellgate 2020 was meant to be, even the Governor agreed it seemed. And so Thursday evening I started a packing and preparations list. I wasn't overly stressed or anxious. On the one hand I knew that my training was lacking but I also felt confident that I knew what was required and I had in me what I needed to finish. And honestly, I still had quite a bit of expectation, despite my meager training and the five pounds or more I've gained this season, I still thought I could be around 14:30-14:45. I read a few old race reports (these do come in handy) and made a list of splits that should take me to the 14:45 goal.

Friday afternoon I was equipped with a bib, an overflowing pack and a box of rudimentary supplies. In some ways, as unprepared as I felt for the actual physical side of Hellgate I felt somewhat strong mentally. I knew what needed to be done, I felt I would go for it, worse that could happen is I would fail. I did see the line as very thin, 14:45 I'm solid based on current training. Fifteen hours or over I'm a failure. In retrospect, I was probably too hard on myself, but I am what I am. 

Chelsie, as planned, arrived at our house a little after 10 pm on Friday evening. We left straight from our house to the start line. It was a little over an hour drive and it was hard to not feel just a tad bit overwhelmed. I told Todd and Chelsie on the way over that I didn't deserve to be at Hellgate. This upset Todd and he said that he hoped Chelsie thought I was kidding. But I wasn't kidding. On the drive over Friday night I felt I had no business being among the runners that evening, I felt I hadn't really paid my dues, hadn't put in the work, had crammed but never really studied, knew the subject but had forgotten the details. 

By the time we arrived at the start line I was feeling a little rushed. I heard Horton, upon opening the car door, ushering over wave one starters. I put on my gloves and my borrowed light from Steve Higgins, and was on my way.  For all the things about 2020 that have been hard, and for all the parts of Hellgate that are hard, standing around that gate just before midnight was definitely a highlight of the year for me.  Familiar as well as unfamiliar faces, covered and hovered, all ready to begin. A good reminder of the specialness that just naturally surrounds Hellgate. If you've found yourself on Big Hellgate Lane around midnight mid December you know what I mean. We've come to test ourselves, we're all hoping we will pass. 

And as is always the case, a minute past midnight, just behind a prayer and a somewhat battered rendition of the national anthem we are off on a long and arduous journey. I went out and was, as usual, just so happy to have begun. I settled in quite quickly to running alongside Dennis Coan, an ultrarunner I've known for years, before I was even an ultrarunner, but who I seldom see anymore. It was fun to catch up and swap stories of our toddler daughters. But before long he was off and running and I settled in with a few women, Shannon Howell and Bethany Patterson, we too shared mom stories and the hopes that Hellgate would be kind to us. 

However, by the time I reached Petits Gap road, my feet were cold, my hands were too warm and I was all but alone. I was thankful that there were faster runners in other waves to occasionally pass by in the night, Hi, Tim.  But most of these next miles were an occasional headlamp, not real company. I had made it to aid one and made note of my watch, having never done that. It was 12:44, right on time to what I had projected, nice.

But I didn't feel great on Petits and I walked earlier and more often than I wanted or felt I should. By the aid station I was feeling a little stressed about my split so I tried to pick it up, I ran through without stopping at 1:31. On the downhill leaving aid two I caught up to and chatted a bit with Kathleen Cusick. The woman is a machine! Having just run a hundred last weekend she had shown up for Hellgate but her glute muscles, she said, had not really come along. She was still crushing downhills and making me feel less prepared, I had let Worlds End beat me down for a time and here she was a week after a hundred running Hellgate. 

Through the Terrapin trail section Jordan Cooter caught me and ran with me for a second, he had started two waves behind and was crushing it like I predicted that he would. I was moving as well as I could and I felt pretty good about my effort, especially being able to compare them to how I ran and felt when training on this section of the course over the past few weeks. I felt I was moving well. I got to Hunting Creek Road, right on time, at 2:12. I remembered for a split second 2013 and how badly I had wanted to quit Hellgate at that moment. On this evening I was feeling good, I was eating the baby food packets I had brought and drinking the Tailwind. My left ankle and knee were giving me a bit of grief but I was still feeling good. 

I ran much of HCR alone with the exception of a quick hike with Michael Newhall who was feeling really good and running great despite a hip injury the last few weeks. I ran and hiked as expected and was fooled, as usual, by the false summit near the top. When I arrived at Camping Gap it was 3:03, despite being my goal to this aid station I wasn't feeling great. I felt I was working REALLY REALLY hard and not really getting anywhere fast. I felt I was using a lot of effort and not making much ground. I stopped at this aid station and had a cup of water and a cup of Pepsi. Then it was off to the grassy road and then on to my crew, Todd, who would be waiting at Floyd's.

I ran but hiked more of the gravel road than I would have liked. I tried to keep the hiking intervals short. At the start of the grassy road a runner, I think his name was Konstantin,  started to talk with me. About that time Alissa Keith caught and passed us, but then kind of fell in beside us as we weaved up and down through the grassy hills of this section. It was nice to have the company and catch up with Alissa, and their conversation certainly helped carry me along here. We ran all of the grassy road together, and I was feeling pretty good. However, when finally we took the left turn onto the trail that takes you over to Overstreet I was starting to feel the cooler air of the higher elevations and the exhaustion of no nap the day before. Alissa and Konstantin ran off into the night. I tried to stay in sight of them to Floyd's but I could feel myself slipping further and further behind.

I made it to Floyd's in 5:13. When making up the list of splits I had determined I HAD to be here by 5:10 to make my goals for the day, getting here just three minutes late was a bother. I told Todd and Steve who was there, that I felt pretty good, my knee was angry but otherwise I was eating well, running ok, and mentally good. But I just wasn't running the way I WANTED to be running. I had a little grilled cheese and then headed off into the part of the course I feel I know the least.

It was dark and chilly as I started on towards Jennings, and I was completely alone. I didn't even see headlights ahead for a time. I thought about previous Hellgates, which was quite a familiar theme this year for me, and how rough I usually can feel through here. On this day I felt good mentally. I just felt inept. But I didn't give up, I decided to use the benefit of Steve's magnificent light to make up some time to Jennings. 

This section felt somewhat overall easier than other years. I  was probably slower on the first half than I should have been but once it really settled in to a downhill, which really the whole section is, I felt I was moving swiftly,  for me. I was proud of myself, running alone in the pitch black at Hellgate through a section I only ever run at Hellgate. Once, when I was feeling really proud and confident, an owl or other winged creature fluttered right over my head and scared me half to death and made me screech. I am, after all, a sissy. But a sissy who can do hard things. 

I made it to Jennings at some point, Todd has it down as 6:33, and my knee and ankle, especially after the downhill, were killing me. I was happy to see the Christmas lights and my friends who I knew would be at Jennings but my knee was really bothering me and I was really questioning what I was doing all of this for, I was getting really tired and my trail family hanging out together, while I was running alone, made me feel weirdly jealous at that moment. Todd and Wade started calling out my name until I found them and I went from running downhill to a walk and that was a little discombobulating. Wade asked if I wanted a mimosa but I feared it would just make me want a nap more than I already did so I turned him down.

Sam and Blake were saying hello but Todd was ushering me over to the van. Sam Price asked how I was feeling and all I could hear was the pounding of my knee and I just said, "UGH". Then Todd surprised me by snapping at me, he told me we could just quit, go home, call it a day. That he was tired of me looking good, not working hard and complaining. I ate some macaroni and cheese he had made me and drank some coffee and cola but I just got really upset, I held it together the best I could. I took my waistlight off and got out my headlamp. I got some food for the next few sections. Then, just before leaving I looked at him and said, "You're wrong, I'm working my ass off."

I was so, SO angry but really just hurt when I left that aid station. Todd is always been really good crew, always seems to know the right thing to say and do, but not that day, not at Jennings. I saw a few guys ahead and worked to stay in sight of them. Sunlight was coming quick and I felt I had made it to Jennings much later than usual and that I shouldn't have even bothered bringing the headlamp in that section. I started to get really, really tired. I fantasized a little about taking a decades long nap in the woods off to the side of the road. 

But then I remembered that you should run when you're feeling tired, that it can help wake you up. So I started to run a little more. I remembered that up ahead was one of my favorite trail sections of the whole course. I started to see runners everywhere it felt like after having run the last section alone. Many were coming from behind and I felt I was making worse and worse time. 

Running over to Little Cove I saw Wade and he asked how I was doing, I was still stuck on Todd hurting my feelings and Wade told me that if it helped to push me than it wasn't all bad. I tried to refocus but my knee by this point was really hurting and I was just feeling really drained. I felt I was moving ok, but in retrospect this section of the day was my only real fumble. I walked and sulked way too much up to Little Cove. I was once again fooled by a false summit coming into the aid station at Little Cove. It took longer to get here than I remembered. Along the way I was passed by a few women and men, one of whom was Nelle Fox, who I had heard about and had never met. She was such a nice, happy spirit and she was crushing it. I was glad to have finally met her.

At the aid station, Neil offered me some french toast and it, along with my chance meeting with Nelle lit a little fire underneath me once more, and I was thankful for it. I remembered how bad I felt in 2012 and realized I didn't feel bad, I should be moving better, I have what it takes to do hard things. I had arrived at Little Cove at 8:20 and I had yet to listen to music though I had been carrying my phone, an ipod and three, yes 3 pairs of headphones since the start line. Sometimes I can see I am a grand mess. Anyways, I finally convinced myself to pull the music out. 

And between the french toast, Nelle and the divine playlist I have assembled, things really started to come together. I started really running again. I felt pretty good considering. I tried not to think about what I had left to run but only what I had left to give. I ran a lot through here, which isn't saying much, its a very runnable section on the Hellgate course. I decided Nelle was moving well enough to be gone but that maybe I could catch someone else, anyone else, just company. And so I ran on for miles and miles it felt like and never saw anyone, not from behind or up ahead. 

By the time I made it to the Devils trail I was wondering what twilight zone episode I had entered. Where was everyone! But then, because the Devil Trail. There were people again, both coming from behind and passing me and up ahead to catch. I saw Kathleen and Michael who were both hurting from more than just your typical Hellgate fun. Kathleen stayed just ahead to Bearwallow where she admitted she might drop. It was 10:20ish coming into Bearwallow. On the slower end of all my Hellgate times and feeling much less confident in my ability to run sub 15 hours. I changed tops to a short sleeve shirt as the day was finally really warming up, I dropped my gloves and my lights, switched from a bladder to a flask and pretty much killed as much time as I ever have here. 

When leaving I saw a bunch of familiar faces but I had already killed too much time to say more than a passing hello to many a friend. Todd said he would see me in 75 minutes at Boblets. Heading out and up I did the math and thought Todd would surely be disappointed because it would be longer than 1:15 to Boblets. Little did I know then just how long this section would feel. Funny thing, I THINK this is my favorite section of the course, and some of it, even on REALLY tired legs is quite runnable after the initial climbing, but boy of boy did it feel ever so long and so so slow on Saturday morning. It was a pretty enough day and the section is some lovely trail that reminds me of Petits. but I was weaving in and out and getting no where fast. 

I had been in the mode of looking downhill for the road to Boblets for a time when I happened to see a runner up ahead coming towards me. It was Josh Gilbert. He turned around and started to run with me towards Boblets. I asked him about the turn and he said we still had a ways, I was starting to feel dejected at this point. It was looking more like an hour and half of longer in this section and I felt pretty solidly that I had blown a 15 hour finish. I told him I was going to ask if someone would run with me from the aid station. He said there was a lot of help at Boblets and that was why he was out running, He said that if nothing else he would run the downhill road section if no one else offered. 

After running so many hours and miles alone it was great to have the company of a friendly face. He was chatty and he got me moving at least a little better than before he appeared. On the road up to Boblets we came across Cooper, my twelve year old son who was also out crewing me at Hellgate but had been asleep so far for most of it. He told me I had about a half mile to the aid station.

At the aid station I had the good fortune of lots of familiar friendly faces and helping hands. Todd got me some tater tots and I asked if anyone would like to run the forever section with me. Immediately, Sarah Vickey said she would and I looked down at her feet, she was wearing some Wellingtons or something similar and I said, "In those?" Not that I didn't think she could keep up, I just thought that would be extremely uncomfortable. She said yes at the same time Todd asked her her shoe size, she said size 8 and Todd and I looked at each other without speaking, he said I'll go to the van and get one of your pairs. I said "Great you do that and I'm going to get started, I'm sure Sarah can catch up to me at the pace I'm moving."  I apologized to Sam for being less than communicative at Jennings and he said he thought nothing of it. I mean how happy are people really at 5 am after running through the night generally? I don't know. I just know I am a person who likes their sleep. 

Sarah caught me pretty quickly, and for a time she attempted small chat, but at this point I was focused on my aching knee and the more than half marathon distance I still had to cover. And I couldn't/wouldn't just give up even though a sub 15 hour finish was pretty much shot. By the time we reached the trail I was doing terrible math and no longer chatty. Sarah was a stellar pacer, especially one on no notice wearing long pants and someone else's shoes. She made me run and when she couldn't get me to run she made me drink. I didn't run a lot but I told her I had never drank so well in the forever section so there was at least that!

The forever section earned its name for me on Saturday. Those 5.2 miles felt like way more. We passed Jeremy and Michael just past halfway and Jeremy said, "You have 7.2 miles left." I have never wanted to hit JP before but that news just sucked. I kept wanting him to be wrong. But he wasn't, he's good at math. 

About a half mile to Day Creek we passed a group of people that turned out to be my boys and Nick Aukland. Nick said, "I have bad news for you! You're 11th! But you can be tenth!" I had to argue that I was solidly in eleventh. And that it could be worse than that with the wave starts. I told them that my new focus was on making this NOT my personal worst, I just wanted to break 15:10, my 2013 I-am-afraid-of-a-little-snow-time. We came in to Day Creek and Steve was there at the rocks with Ellie and then my sister-in-law Sue and her husband and Todd and the rest of the kids and Scott Covey, Frankie Viar and Wade was there telling me I had run that section well and it felt nice to see so many familiar faces but I also was feeling pressed, as slow as I was moving, to make it to the finish in under 15:10. It was 13:47 at Day Creek and I know I killed a minute or so there with drinking cola and saying hellos. I thanked Sarah for her gracious favor and left out of Day Creek with my daughter Bailey who had always planned to run in with me as I knew going in to Hellgate that I wasn't vying this year for a podium finish. 

Bailey was so sweet, she was telling me stories and telling me how great I looked and how great I was doing, she told me she saw women ahead I could catch. I guess I have done Hellgate too many times because I told her we would hike hard every step to the parkway which was 2.2 miles away even thought everyone says it is more and then we would give the downhill every ounce our legs could in the fight to break 15:10. She said she would do her best to keep up. I knew I wanted to see her get over the parkway and was pretty confident she wouldn't have any trouble keeping up with her mom on the down side either. 

I was feeling pretty fatigued by the Parkway and I was feeling less confident that I could pull of 15:10 and decided that if it was a personal worst kind of day so be it, it wasn't half bad for the worst. The weather was great, the company too. But then as we began the downhill I found a little left in my legs which is almost always the case somehow those last few miles. What began around a ten minute pace we got down even further. I went back to my music and told Bailey to run ahead of me and not slow down unless she couldn't hear the music anymore (I was no longer using any of the three pairs of headphones). She did a beautiful job. I decided I would run as hard as I could and just hold on, as much as I ALWAYS tell myself it won't come down to this at Hellgate it ALWAYS comes down to this at Hellgate, I can't stand the thought of giving up even a minute if I have to.

At a mile to go I had about 12 minutes to break 15:10. We passed Alissa and her pacer Tracy but I confirmed what we all already knew, Alissa was in the wave behind me and would still be ahead of me in overall time. At the camp Bailey stopped to walk due to a side stitch and told me to finish strong. I was pushing so fast in the camp that I had the most overwhelming wave of nausea I've ever had running that took me to an immediate walk. The gentleman I had passed on the road caught back up and told me I could keep running I was so close to the finish. I told him nausea had come in big time but then I found the something to start running again to the finish line.

I finished in 15:08 and change. Not my personal worst, not my best, however it was definitely the least trained I've ever felt for Hellgate. Horton asked what was wrong and I said just that. Thankfully I had enough to still run fairly well but it wasn't the day I was hoping for. Per usual though I came away with some fine lessons, a few good memories and the even greater desire to run Hellgate again though I can't say for certain why that is other than I just know I can do better than I have. It's funny at mile 50 I was never not ever going to run Hellgate again but with each passing hour since the desire only gets stronger. It will probably peak sometime after I drop my application off next October so that its fully depleted by race day but in that way it is like the famous Laura Numeroff series of books in which we make a full circle back to where we began. 

If Alexis runs Hellgate she'll probably want to do it again.