Promise Land 50k+
Saturday, April 23, 2022
The Background (aka The State of All Things)
If you're reading this there's a good chance you know me personally and thus are aware that I am going to California in a few short weeks to run the Western States Endurance Run. I was lucky enough in 2013 to be able to run Western States as my first hundred. It was a great experience but I felt it could have gone much better. I have been attempting for years to get back into States and for most of the early years of qualifying I was staying in decent shape and holding on to the goal of a better 100 miler there than my previous attempt. However, life and other things these past few years has caused me to stray from my purpose. Even though I was still on the path I wasn't really thinking about where the path would take me. And in all honesty, I have thought hard several times over the past two or three years about abandoning the path.
But I stayed the course, qualified, entered. And finally, my name was drawn. I was (and am!) going back to Western States. I set out immediately to remedy my perceived lack of fitness, running more in January of 2022 than many a previous January. However, I probably wasn't as smart and well rounded as I thought I was being at the time and one small whispering pain turned into bigger, nagging pains. To say I am disappointed in the way training has gone as the days have ticked down is a heavy understatement to how I felt through most of February. With a persistent knee pain I dropped down to the 25k at Holiday Lake in February and had to ultimately back out completely from Terrapin.
If you know me, you know that I suffer from heavy amounts of self doubt, self worth, self confidence, etc. My "self' needs a lot of work simply put. Having this nagging injury was causing many of these mental issues to flare up as well. I have a few blog posts I may never write but detail the demons that came haunting in late January and February.
Finally, in mid March I gave the equivalent to the suck it up speech to myself. Stop focusing on what is not and focus on what you can do! So what did I do. I shifted to things I could do. I couldn't really run, but I could walk. So I walked a lot. A lot, a lot. I biked (like Robbie advised!) I read. I started doing more functional strength exercises. Did I do all of the things? Nope. Not even close. But I am ok with being a work in progress as long as there is progress. Most importantly perhaps was that this whole time I was working on my why.
In 2017, I had a really bad Holiday Lake. In many ways my running hasn't really been right since (and even before). I have struggled with why a lot. A question I can't answer. I, a person of great curiosity, haven't handled being unable to answer the question. Not being able to answer the question has made me ask more questions, including is this sport really still for me? I have, thankfully, had small experiences that have kept me searching, not willing to give up just yet. But still struggling to answer a question only I can answer, what is your why?
In the beginning of running and running ultras the answer was "Could I run? Could I run 1, 5, 25, 50, 100 miles". But those have been answered, and over time chasing others and myself for a time was often not enough. It all came to a head in 2017 and has been hanging over my head and my heart for years.
This season has not been my best, I dropped down and out of races, my paces and times are not what I once felt they should be. I won't lie, I want to be faster, always, but that hasn't been enough to carry me lately. What happens when the times just start getting slower? What happens after injury and a few years focusing on something other than the day to day training? Why do you keep showing up when you originally only caught the running bug to beat a time on a clock? I knew these were locked away in the why but I needed to dig deep enough to articulate it, understand it, and then, run with it.
Recently, I've been waking up early, not to run, but to steal some time away in the quiet before my children are awake, to read. Books on running by running coaches, books on grit, books on enduring and hope. Books that laid down how to break down your why. Again, several posts could come from the books I've been reading and the knowledge I've felt I've been gaining. It's caused me to reflect and look back but not on how I was once "better" and "faster" at races and runs but how did I feel before I was a runner and how did first running make me feel?
In 2009 I was just a chubby new mother who felt fairly alone, full of so many fears, with no real friends (other than Todd) who really hated herself and feared that soon so would her husband. When I thought about why I ran, it was because of Todd. Again, there's a whole sappy heartbreaking post I could write about how I started to run for Todd. Not because he asked me to, but because I wanted to do something with him and he had just started adventure racing, and because I was worried that if I didn't start taking care of me I would be less desirable to him. I know that sounds like a weak minded thought, but I was so very weak minded. Regardless, I started to run because I wanted to do something with Todd (adventure racing). To get in shape for the adventure racing I started to walk and then run.
At the time running made me feel incredible, it made me feel more powerful and amazed by my body than I ever had. But over time, the feeling faded, doubt moved back in. Injuries came. Fears resettled. I was no one special. I just had to accept that.
But in trying to accept that I was nothing important or special I turned the lights out on myself.
Finding my why as of late has become like turning the lights back on.
And, I believe, it's helping. I still need work on the actual running part, but I felt the purpose needed to be clearly defined so that a better drive for training could be unleashed.
Because the knee and the running are not particularly on par with what they probably should be for a "race" I was unsure whether or not to register, this is the first time the defined why came into use. Does signing up for Promise Land align with my why?
It all came down to the part of my why pertaining to what the running community means to me and what I want to mean to it. So at the beginning of the week of Promise Land I committed by finally registering.
The Race
Last year, our daughter Bailey told us that she wanted to run Promise Land in 2022. Our son, Cooper, made similar claims about Grindstone so I didn't think much of it until the beginning of the calendar year when she asked me if I would help her train. Todd made her a plan but I would help her stick to it by being a companion and accountability partner, something I endear having as well. We ran the two official Promise Land training runs together and have talked about race nerves, strategy, tips and plans for weeks. This past week I even went back and read her Holiday Lake 2021 race report and it added a little inspiration to my own race this weekend. Sharing this weekend with Bailey, going to the pre-race festivities Friday evening with her, camping, cheering her in, cheering others in with her, was such a treasured gift. I can say I did not talk her into running Promise Land but it's hard to believe we had no influence over the choice. Either way, it was a pleasure to spend the weekend with her. I look forward to more races and weekends like this in the future.
Between my newly polished why, my realistic race goals and Bailey's first Promise Land there was a lot to look forward to at Promise Land even if the weather was supposed to be hot, and honestly, I was hoping it got hot (I could use a little heat training between now and Western States). What were my goals for Promise Land?
1. To practice running and eating for Western States, long runs of up to 4 hours are just not cutting it to test this. So to practice with an emphasis on trying new things such as gummies and candy as potential fuel.
2. Keep my heart rate average below 150 bpm.
3. Run sub 7 hours.
A lesser defined goal was to enjoy the course and the people. In an ultra you travel a set distance but you can travel from one group to another meeting and reconnecting with people. In many ways its the friendliness and the connectivity I love about ultra running in particular over road running. It's nearly impossible to go out and run with 300 people over 30+ miles and not make new friends.
Out there yesterday I loved this the most, from running over 28 miles with Robbie and talking about all things from macros to vacations, to meeting new people like Travis.
Promise Land is hard. At least I think it is, it's a little over 34 miles of steep up, rocky descents and it falls just as the weather is warming up but hasn't given anyone really the chance to get used to it. There are two sections of rolling terrain but one of them comes after 20 miles as the day has begun to significantly warm up at least if you're where I tend to be at this point. It can make enjoying the course a little more difficult. I aimed to relish in all the highs and lows.
I wasn't really nervous Friday or Saturday morning, if anything made me nervous it was Bailey and questioning whether or not to run with her. However, we had talked about it a great deal and had decided we would start and do the first climb together but after that just run our own races. I was still a little nervous about letting her go out 'alone' for 34 miles. I trusted that the trail community would help her, she knew people at almost every aid station so I knew they would help her and relay word if something was amiss.
I overpacked my pack with stuff I would be trying out over the day, my phone and headphone case for music and some tailwind. Spoiler alert, I had too much crap. It's not really a big deal, I'm used to weighing down the pack for a training run but I didn't need most of it. I didn't use the phone or headphones and I still didn't eat well enough between aid stations to warrant all that I brought.
I carried a water bottle because I think they are easier to fill at aid stations and easier to ascertain how much you're drinking. Funny side note, Robbie pointed out that he could tell when I got serious about running a section, I carry it like a football if I'm working and hold it pointed down (less worried about a fumble maybe?) when I am taking it easier. I'm glad I went with the bottle even though I hate carrying it.
I didn't bother with a headlamp. I'm not fast enough to worry that there won't be enough light by the time I hit the trail. I'm glad I went with this plan as well.
Bailey and I started at 5:30 am together along with our friend Scott Covey. We started a bit further back that I probably usually would but I knew that with my race plans I didn't need to be closer to the "start line". I love the way Horton begins his races. It feels a little more intimate than most ultras and definitely more so than road races.
We ran a little further than we did on the training run, maybe just past a mile, but probably a little easier than we did on the training run. We got to see Beth Hart and catch up to Robbie Shull. I love these bits of the ultra races, getting to run and see people you don't often get to because of schedules or life in general. I saw Amanda who I had met at a training run, she was hiking and I told her I was proud of her because we had talked about running vs. walking this hill at the training run, I had told her to not stress this hill and it was a silly but happy moment when I saw her taking what I assumed to be my advice.
The road climb was tough per usual, that last mile being hard on the calves as they've not warmed up yet for the day. But overall it went fast enough and the sun had stated to rise as we got to aid one and made the transition from the gravel road to the first trail section of the day.
I guess I lost Bailey here. She stopped to get water from Blake and I kept moving. The aid stations at Promise Land are decently spaced but they are a little more spread out at Western so I tried to really only hit every other one especially in the first half on Saturday. I tried to get running as soon as we hit the trail but it took a good mile for the calves to get with the program after the initial climb. I aimed for a steady effort and made a point to hold a conversational effort.
I wanted to run smart, steady with a moderate effort, and not get my heart rate too elevated which I worried could be a problem in the heat. I believe I did a good job at this goal. I never felt like I was pushing until the final descent when I knew I wasn't going to make 7 hours but decided I would push past my heart rate governor just in case I could. Spoiler alert, #2, I couldn't/didn't. I planned to run easy moderate until Colon Hollow and then up it from there if I felt good enough.
Scott, Robbie and I were still running near each other here and we started to pass small groups through here though Scott did a more efficient job of it. We caught up with Sophie and then Jen Lully as we made it to the aptly named "grassy road" section. Shortly after we caught up with Crystal Molnar. I felt mentally great about this, I felt good about my effort. I think Jen, Sophie, Crystal, Robbie and Scott are all great runners. I pondered briefly trying to run faster/harder but thought about how happy I would be to finish among these runners, that if my knee could hold up and I could finish with this group that would be a great win for the day.
The grassy road was a good time, I kind of like it, the sun was coming up and the running felt good. The knee wasn't really unhappy which was probably the best part. At one point I was talking to Robbie and Jen and I just thought if this could just hold up all day I will be thrilled!
At aid two we got to see friendly faces and I got some water to mix tailwind with but other wise ran on. Robbie joked that I raced through the aid station but really I just wanted to spend the bulk of my aid station time used at Cornelius Creek because I knew what to expect. I got water here and up the hike in the WOR loop I mixed bottle two of Tailwind. At this point Scott and Sophie had run on, they were climbing much better on this loop and I settled in with Robbie and Jen who seemed to be going a pace I liked much better.
Through this climb on the WOR loop and the gravel road I enjoyed talking with Robbie and Jen, we talked about protein and recovery and training. I feel like they gave me great insight to managing recovery and I loved feeling like there was still so much I could learn and that they were open to sharing their approaches. It felt like a regular old training run and I was happy about this.
However, I will admit coming into Sunset Fields I looked at my watch and I was about 20 minutes behind where I usually come in at Sunset the first time and I immediately played the what if game. I ran on through the aid station not even stopping to say hello to Marc ;) because I was over thinking the time it took to get here. But on the next section, which isn't usually my forte, I reminded myself of the days goals and realized it was actually a really good day. I was enjoying the company, I felt good and I could still turn it up a little at Colon Hollow if I wanted to, because they say, the race begins there.
Robbie caught back up and we talked about how this was our furthest running together in a race, he reminded me of a masochist we were both semi-injured at and that we ran until our injuries, not made for each other, separated us on the hills. We caught up with some runners that were hard to pass so I actually took a walk break down hill. My knee, that did great overall, least liked this section of the whole day so I figured a walk break to distance me from the runners ahead would be a great break for it. The creek sections arrived and Robbie and I ran through them only to have a bunch of debris collect in our shoes so we stopped to take our shoes off and shake them out. It didn't work well but again the knee appreciated the break.
I had a few runners pass through this section and I figured I was losing time to run 7 hours and that should I plan to run Promise Land again it's this terrain that I need the most work on to improve my time at Promise Land. We came into Cornelius at 9:06 am, it was just a little later than I expected. I was so happy to see so many friends and family. Ivy had my little bag of goodies and Ellie was excited I had finally arrived but not truly appreciating I don't think that I was leaving quickly. I did stop here the longest of the whole day. I stood still long enough to drink half a bottle of cherry coke and eat a delicious pancake. While I was there Jen ran in so she, Robbie and I took off down the gravel road together.
Josh Gilbert was there on his bike, he asked about the knee and gave us a little update about the runners ahead before turning back. At this point in the day it was really beginning to warm up and you can feel it on the road because it's pretty bare. I was happy when we reached the trail section a few miles later because this road section isn't much fun.
It was along this next section that I was actually feeling really good, I think Robbie's company and the descent to Cornelius being done helped, I know that the knee feeling ok definitely helped. We got to Blake's aid station and it was great to see more friends. Blake teased that Scott had joked to lure me in as long as possible here, it's like Blake knows me better than anyone, it was the perfect fuel I needed. That and the amazing Powerade popsicle Mike gave me. It was like some kind of wonder drug! Between the ice pop and the news that Scott was about 5 minutes up I got to work, we had after all made it to the race start at Colon Hollow.
Along this section I got to talk to Keith and ask him for insight to racing Western, he commented that I probably already knew it, but I wanted what he could offer anyways. I feel like there's always a chance someone has some piece of advice that will pay back in dividends. I thought about Bailey a lot through here, I wondered how she was doing and joked with a few runners that I couldn't let her catch me on the climb because the climbs better than I do.
I tried to move along thinking about Scott up ahead and Bailey. Just past the gravel road section on the Colon Hollow side I saw Scott up ahead. I wanted to catch up with him and make a joke about Blake telling me a long story but he saw me before I could. He told me he knew I liked a good hunt. It's true too. After I caught up with Scott I noticed we all (Robbie, Scott and I) weren't being very chatty. It was now really becoming more work with the heat and the miles both going up. I noticed through here that I was not really sweating anymore, I wasn't drinking enough. I decided at Cornelius to switch from Tailwind to water, hopefully ice water. Overall, I never stopped to use the restroom and the stopping sweating were all signs that I did not hydrate adequately, I'll definitely need to work on this. A little dehydration can become a much bigger problem over a longer race.
At the deep creek before Cornelius we all paused briefly to take in the cold, refreshing water. It felt amazing. I got to see two of my sons at the turn as well as about 15 people headed out for the climb up to Sunset. Coming into Cornelius the second time I felt pretty good. It was 10:40. I thought that was just enough time to finish under 7 with no mistakes. I figured an hour up and 50 minutes to finish. I got ice water and my bag of peanut butter pretzels and said good-bye to my friends at the aid station.
Robbie was with me leaving but I noticed Scott stayed back, at this point I was mentally ready to take the climb on! And for a bit I did. I ate, I drank the cold water and I made a vow to run when my heart and legs said I could. Robbie and I caught and passed a runner near the bottom but then more and more as we progressed up the climb. For about two thirds of the climb I hit it really focused. Then I came upon a couple Tech students and got to chatting. They were super friendly and chatty and I know in hindsight I shifted from focusing on climbing well to making friends. But I'm good with that because it took it back to a training run focus for me for the most part.
I got to Sunset and it was definitely warm and sunny. Mike Dunlop put ice water on my neck and ice in my bottle, Marc got me more water and I had a cup of mountain dew. I was both ready to get done but not really feeling like pushing for 7 hours. Crossing the parkway I saw I had 45 minutes to do 7 hours. My new friend Travis was with me and I told him it would be close. He hadn't run Promise Land before and I told him he could go around but instead we got to talking more about ultras and sharing backgrounds. It was fun and made those two trail miles from Sunset to Overstreet Falls pass quickly as Robbie had fallen behind on the falls climb.
When we got to the gravel road I looked at my watch, I had less than 20 minutes to break 7 hours, I told Travis I couldn't make it in 7 hours but I told myself that I would still go for it. After running pretty "easy" all day I had enough left to push those last few miles but both my knees thought it was dumb. I decided either way my quads would make me rest first of the new week anyways, so I kept pushing. My heart rate got up, my quads and knees were angry but I honestly kind of loved it. I was thankful for those last few miles. I knew the whole time I wasn't going to hit 7 hours but there was something about trying anyways, just in case.
I finished in 7:02. It was a good day. I don't know that it could have been much better. I think it was good to have a good day. I can tell there are areas I need to work on over the next few weeks. It gave me confidence in a few things, and most importantly the whole experience reminded me of my love for trail running and the community.
Bailey finished her first mountain ultra as well, but I'll leave her to tell about that.
Also, Skittles gummies > Swedish fish > gummy bears. Case you were wondering.
-AT
